When My Boyfriend Gave Up His Future for Another Girl

Author: Emma Zhang
Tags: #high_school_sweethearts #betrayal #growth #moving_on #medical_romance #second_chance

Summary

After my boyfriend Jiang Nan gave up his final college entrance exam to save a stranger girl, our carefully planned future shattered. Years later, when I received my medical school acceptance and prepared to study abroad, he appeared at my doorstep begging for another chance. But I had already learned that some decisions, once made, can never be undone.

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After the college entrance exam ended, I suddenly learned that my boyfriend, who had promised to attend the same university with me, had abandoned the final English exam.

I emotionally collapsed and asked him why he didn't care about his future. He explained, "I saved a girl on the way to the exam."

Later, when I went abroad to study, he rushed to my downstairs, tears streaming down his face as he asked if I could wait for him.

Holding the acceptance letter from my dream university, I smiled and said to him, "I said no turning back, so don't regret it."

1

On the night after the college entrance exam ended, I was at home eating ice cream and voice-chatting with my best friend Xiao Xiao.

Xiao Xiao tentatively asked me: "Why didn't Jiang Nan take the English exam this afternoon?"

I was so scared I dropped my ice cream spoon on the floor: "What do you mean? What do you mean Jiang Nan didn't take the English exam? Don't joke around. Jiang Nan is such a steady person, he wouldn't joke about the college entrance exam."

"You didn't know? Your boyfriend abandoned the exam and you didn't know?" Xiao Xiao sent a shocked emoji: "I thought you knew the reason! This is true! Jiang Nan abandoned today's English exam, the director was so angry he went to their house looking for him!"

I hung up the phone and rushed to Jiang Nan's house next door. Opening the door, I saw Jiang Nan's parents and him sitting face to face in the living room, the atmosphere very serious.

Hearing the noise, they all turned to look at me.

Jiang's mother forced a smile, revealing a tired expression: "Dai Dai, you're here."

I tried my best to calm my excited emotions: "Hello Uncle, Auntie. I'm here looking for Jiang Nan."

Jiang Nan took me into his bedroom.

As soon as the door closed, I couldn't hold back, grabbing his sleeve and asking: "Jiang Nan, you're joking, right? You didn't abandon the exam, did you?"

Jiang Nan kept his head down without speaking, letting me pull his sleeve.

Seeing his silence, my eyes began to redden: "Jiang Nan, why? We promised to go to the same university together." Tears started falling down "We've studied so hard for so many years, and you abandoned the exam, for what?!"

Jiang Nan looked at me with guilty eyes, not saying a word.

As I shouted, I suddenly wanted to laugh. He was the one who abandoned the exam, the one who threw his future behind. He stood there indifferent, yet I was more excited than he was.

"Jiang Nan, you're always like this, indifferent to everything" I raised my head, blinking hard, trying not to let the tears fall "I've always wanted to ask you, do you still remember our promise? Do you really value our relationship?"

Jiang Nan seemed to be choked, difficultly opening his mouth: "Shen Dai, I..."

Suddenly I didn't want to hear his explanation anymore. After so many years, he had always looked indifferent to everything.

Jiang Nan was a very slow-to-warm person, I had always known. He did things slowly and methodically, while I was fiery and impatient. We used to fight for various reasons, with me hysterical on one side while he just sat there watching me get angry. In the end, unable to bear it, I was the one who pretended nothing happened and apologized to him.

But this time was different, this was the college entrance exam. I really didn't know what could be more important than the college entrance exam besides parents and relatives. I thought he was like me, valuing the future above all else, but he wasn't. I couldn't understand joking with his own future.

2

It was a few days into our cold war that I learned why Jiang Nan had abandoned the exam. It was quite dramatic—he had helped a girl who was being framed for rescuing someone.

When Xiao Xiao told me about this, I showed a bitter smile. He had acted heroically, but because of this, he missed the college entrance exam.

Xiao Xiao reminded me: "I heard the girl Jiang Nan saved is quite pretty, with a delicate and weak 'little white flower' look. She's still in the hospital, you should go see her if you have time."

I thought about it and nodded in agreement: "I should, I'll go buy some gifts to visit her tomorrow..."

While choosing gifts, I missed the hesitation in Xiao Xiao's eyes. Many years later when I thought about it again, I was helpless about my own foolishness.

At the hospital, to my surprise, Jiang Nan was also there. I heard he hadn't signed up to retake the exam, and I hadn't been willing to answer his calls or messages these past few days. I didn't expect him to be here.

Jiang Nan was sitting by that girl's bed peeling an apple for her. They were talking about something, as if they had reached something interesting. The girl's face was full of vivid smiles, and the corners of Jiang Nan's mouth were rarely slightly upturned.

I watched at the doorway for a while, then symbolically knocked on the door.

Jiang Nan saw me, put down the apple: "Shen Dai? Why are you here?"

I walked in, putting down the thermos I was holding: "This is soup Aunt Jiang made, she asked me to bring it for Qian Qiao to drink."

Qian Qiao was the girl Jiang Nan saved. I turned to see the girl lying on the hospital bed, her small face pale, obviously seriously injured. I heard that after the person who framed her was exposed, they had deliberately hit her hard with their car. She was a kind but stupid girl. I silently evaluated in my heart. Because if it were me, I would only call 120, not go up and help a stranger myself.

I greeted her with a smile: "Hello, I'm Jiang Nan's girlfriend Shen Dai."

I ladled out a bowl of soup and brought it to her bedside: "Qian Qiao, this is bone soup Jiang Nan's mother cooked. You should try some, Auntie said people who have lost blood should eat foods that replenish qi and blood."

Qian Qiao showed a weak smile: "Thank Auntie for me."

Later, I never went to the hospital to visit Qian Qiao again. Because every time I saw her, it reminded me of Jiang Nan giving up the college entrance exam English. My heart was like a pencil mark across my palm—shallow, but stuck in my throat like a fishbone.

But I heard Jiang Nan went almost every day. Xiao Xiao tentatively told me this news.

"He should. After all, good people should see things through to the end." I didn't think much of it, closing the book I bought to preview and asked Xiao Xiao: "Are the college entrance exam results coming out at nine this morning?"

"Yes, yes, yes! It's time! Quick, open your computer and check!" When it came to time, Xiao Xiao started to get nervous.

I did very well, third in the province, getting into B University Medical School was no problem. Xiao Xiao also did very well, exceeding the first-tier cutoff by 60 points, and could apply to the schools she wanted.

As for Jiang Nan, I didn't ask, but Xiao Xiao inquired for me. His total score just barely exceeded the first-tier cutoff. If he had included English, his grades could have been as outstanding as mine in the province. But he had abandoned the exam.

I couldn't think about it anymore. The result was already out, thinking more would only consume myself. This was a truth I had known since childhood.

Finally, I was successfully admitted to B University Medical Department, while Jiang Nan didn't choose to retake the exam but went to an ordinary university in our local area. The distance between us was a two-hour flight.

On the first day of school, Jiang Nan took me there. My parents sensed the estrangement between us during this vacation and intentionally let us repair our relationship. He accompanied me through registration, getting keys, helping me clean the dorm room, and making the bed.

In the evening, we ate together at the B University cafeteria.

It was cafeteria self-serve food, and the taste was quite good. Jiang Nan even specially bought me a fruit salad I liked.

"Dai Dai." Jiang Nan across from me sighed, put down his chopsticks, and called my name.

I looked up, tears wetting the rice. Jiang Nan across from me took out tissues and gently wiped away the tears from my face. Tonight we would be parting. For more than ten years, since we moved next door to each other, we had never been separated. I had long been accustomed to days with him, and I never imagined that one day my life would be without him.

But it was just a little short—we were supposed to go to the same university.

3

I often sent messages to Jiang Nan, telling him military training was terrible, how much I had been tanned, what classes I had today, how much homework the teacher assigned, and so on.

He usually only read without replying, or replied with a few simple words like "um" or "oh." I knew this was always his personality—few words but no less concern for me. If he saw me say I felt uncomfortable or that my period had arrived, he would ask a courier to buy painkillers for me and then order a hot bowl of porridge for me.

But we weren't always so sweet. Sometimes when he didn't reply to my messages for a long time, or when we were video chatting and he had to hang up after just a few words, I would get very angry: "Jiang Nan, who treats a relationship like this?"

Jiang Nan would usually apologize to me immediately, explaining that his studies were busy and that he had participated in some competition. But after that, he would return to his old ways. After several cold wars, I got tired of it myself and stopped pestering him about replying. I started sending him only one "good night" message every day. If he didn't reply, I would turn off my phone and go to sleep. I don't know when it started, but I discovered that I could live a very fulfilling life without him.

Sometimes I reflected, was I being too unreasonable? I knew Jiang Nan had always been a very motivated person, maybe he also regretted his poor college entrance exam performance, so it was understandable that he made himself busier in college.

Soon, the National Day holiday arrived. Thinking we had been in a cold war for so many days, and I didn't know how to apologize to him. So I secretly bought a plane ticket planning to fly back to see him and give him a surprise.

Just before departing, I caught COVID for the second time. Miserably lying on my dorm bed, my throat hurt like it was being cut by knives, and the nerves in my temples throbbed.

My parents called to ask if I was coming home for the holiday. I told them in a weak voice that I wasn't coming back. I had a fever and felt uncomfortable, could only lie in the dorm.

My mother was very worried, but she had to work and couldn't take leave, so she asked Jiang Nan to come to the school to check on me.

Jiang Nan bought the fastest plane ticket and flew to Beijing.

Lying in bed, I didn't know how he had convinced the dorm auntie to let him upstairs. That afternoon, when I opened my eyes, what I saw was Jiang Nan changing the cloth on my forehead.

"Jiang Nan?" I suspected I was hallucinating from the fever.

Jiang Nan rolled his eyes annoyedly: "You have a fever and didn't tell me? If Auntie hadn't been busy and asked me, I wouldn't have known my girlfriend was sick."

He rarely spoke such a long sentence. I closed my eyes and laughed. Then someone lightly flicked my forehead.

"I'll help you up to put on a coat. The dorm auntie only allowed me to stay for a while, we're going out to stay at a hotel tonight."

Jiang Nan had booked a hotel room, a double room. He forced me to lie on the bed to rest while he went out to buy cooling patches and some food.

I looked at the plain congee and vegetarian buns on the table, uninterested: "Can't I eat something with flavor? My mouth tastes bitter from medicine."

"A sick person is being picky now?" Jiang Nan glared at me annoyedly. Seeing my unwilling expression, he took out another bowl of plain congee: "I'll drink with you, is that okay?"

I nodded with a grin: "That's more like it."

Watching Jiang Nan busy back and forth for me, I felt super happy, thinking we would spend the rest of our lives like this. But unexpectedly, this was the last time we would be so close.

4

In the blink of an eye, we became sophomores.

After Jiang Nan and I went to different universities, our course schedules were different. What was the same was that both of us were very busy. We barely had time for video calls, basically just chatting a few sentences on WeChat every day to share our daily lives.

I belatedly discovered that Jiang Nan had become even colder. Previously, when I sent him messages, although he didn't reply much, he wouldn't just send one "um" a day.

His replies still included emojis. I hadn't paid attention at first, but there was one time when I showed our chat history to Xiao Xiao, she noticed immediately: "Dai Dai, is this loopy one you've been liking recently?"

I had been preparing for mid-term exams recently and didn't have the energy to pay attention to these things: "No, I don't know what this is."

Xiao Xiao reminded me: "I think something's not right, Jiang Nan doesn't seem like someone who would look for emojis on his own."

Maybe seeing my expression wasn't right, Xiao Xiao hurriedly added: "Or maybe he has a gay roommate hahaha."

But I didn't take this matter to heart. With so many group messages every day, you can save emojis from anywhere, I thought it was quite normal now. Besides, I was too busy, busy with experiments, competitions, and various student department activities, I didn't have the energy to care about what new emojis Jiang Nan had collected.

Until Christmas day, walking on the street, seeing the intimate couples around, I suddenly missed Jiang Nan very much.

So I bought the earliest flight and flew to his city, planning to spend a holiday with him.

Showing the guard my student ID and ID card, and repeatedly explaining to him that I was here to see my boyfriend, the uncle smiled kindly and pointed me toward the laboratory direction: "Young people are so romantic."

Standing at the door of Jiang Nan's laboratory with gifts, it was already very late. Along the way, I had been thinking about how to surprise him. Basically everyone from the laboratory had left. I saw a girl lying on the rest sofa, looking uncomfortable, her hand constantly pressed on her lower abdomen.

Jiang Nan handed her a cup of hot tea and took off his own coat to cover her: "If you're uncomfortable from your period, go back early today. I can collect the data here alone."

She took the still-steaming cup, pouting: "But this is our experiment, letting senior do everything alone isn't good."

Jiang Nan laughed helplessly, then took out a thick scarf from his backpack: "Then cover yourself with another layer, pay attention to staying warm."

That girl should be his junior sister. She took a sip of hot tea and accepted the scarf: "Besides, senior, this is the only time we can be alone together."

I saw Jiang Nan fall silent obviously, then pursed his lips.

He stood up, looked up, and saw me standing at the door.

I was still holding the gift I had prepared for him. I saw his smile freeze at the corners of his mouth.

I awkwardly held the gift, not knowing what to say.

I was still thinking about the scarf Jiang Nan had given her—that was the gift I had knitted for him stitch by stitch following a video blogger last month. It was the very popular "first scarf of autumn" online. Because I felt it was very meaningful, I still took time out of my busy classes to knit this scarf for him.

Xiao Xiao said I was too slow in matters of the heart. At that time, I laughed and answered her: "Fortunately, I have Jiang Nan, I don't need to be so sensitive."

Looking back now, it seemed that from the day Jiang Nan gave up the college entrance exam English, we had grown further and further apart.

The Jiang Nan before me adjusted his expression in just a moment and walked toward me: "Shen Dai, why are you here?"

He wanted to take the bag and gifts from my hands, but I subconsciously dodged.

Jiang Nan's hand froze in mid-air.

"You must be Senior Shen!"

Jiang Nan's junior sister was still holding that scarf, standing beside Jiang Nan, with a sweet smile on her face as she reached out to me: "Hello, Senior Sister. I'm Qian Qiao. We've met before. When I was in the hospital, Senior Sister even came to visit me. I wonder if Senior Sister still remembers?"

Qian Qiao, she said her name was Qian Qiao.

I looked at her carefully. I remembered, this wasn't the first time I had met her. Two years ago, Jiang Nan had missed the English exam because he saved her.

Two years had passed, and Jiang Nan had never mentioned to me that Qian Qiao had attended the same university as him, and they had even become senior and junior under the same advisor.

5

Jiang Nan still let Qian Qiao leave early, urging her to return to the dorm to rest.

He looked at me apologetically: "I still have some data that needs to be recorded."

For the entire evening, I sat on the sofa where Qian Qiao had lain, waiting for Jiang Nan. He was busy inside recording various data.

I didn't play with my phone, just stared blankly at the carelessly placed scarf.

When the sky began to show fish-belly white, Jiang Nan finally finished. He walked out while taking off his lab coat, then remembered me sitting on the sofa.

"You haven't been back for a long time, let me take you to breakfast?" he asked me. It was a completely different emotion from when he faced Qian Qiao. Facing her, Jiang Nan was a gentle senior, but facing me, he had become a cold boyfriend. I felt it was so ironic.

Jiang Nan walked me to his car. I opened the door and sat in the passenger seat.

"I didn't hear you say you bought a car." In the silence, I tried to say something to break the awkwardness.

"Um, bought it not long ago." It was obvious that Jiang Nan's answer was also stiff.

I found it meaningless. So I closed my mouth, quietly watching the road ahead.

At this moment, I saw the hanging ornament in the car—it was a cute晴天娃娃 (clear sky doll).

I remembered in high school when we watched Chibi Maruko-chan, I excitedly made a clear sky doll too, wanting to hang it on Jiang Nan's backpack.

I still remember how he looked at me with helpless eyes at that time, and after finding he couldn't refuse, obediently took out his backpack and let me hang it.

Later, I saw that doll in Jiang Nan's room drawer. He explained to me that he really wasn't used to such dolls.

But now, he let someone else hang it in his car.

My heart felt as if a heavy snow had fallen. Extremely cold, and it made me unusually clear.

I stared at that doll for a long time, suddenly speaking: "Time passes so fast, Qian Qiao is also in college now, and what a coincidence, same school as you."

"Um." Jiang Nan answered lightly, but his tightly gripped steering wheel betrayed his emotions. He explained to me: "She took the college entrance exam last year, asked me about majors to apply for, I mentioned it casually, didn't expect she was actually admitted."

He seemed to be explaining, but felt the more he said, the darker it became, so he simply fell silent.

I also lost interest in pursuing further, resting my head on the car window, watching the scenery outside.

6

We walked together on familiar streets, seemingly just like in high school, but the atmosphere was obviously much more distant.

Jiang Nan's phone suddenly rang—it was a ringtone from a popular Korean girl group's recent song, a sweet voice singing over and over again.

The phone kept ringing non-stop. I finished the last sip of coffee in my cup, threw the blanket into the trash can, then turned back and asked nonchalantly: "I didn't expect you to like this kind of music?"

We had learned musical instruments together since childhood—I played piano, he played cello. I always thought he liked classical music. So what type one likes depends on the person. We both knew the answer to this question, but neither pierced through it.

Jiang Nan didn't speak, and I didn't continue to纠缠 this question, just stopped walking and waited until the phone ringtone finished singing.

I continued walking forward, not looking back at him. This road was beautiful, especially in this season. Plane tree leaves fell with the wind, one by one. At the end was a large intersection where many people said goodbye every day.

I stopped walking and waited for him to catch up. Then I stood on tiptoe, took the scarf hanging around Jiang Nan's neck, and smiled at him with bent eyes: "Jiang Nan, this is the last time I'll stop and wait for you."

I had always walked fast since childhood, while Jiang Nan liked to follow slowly behind. Every time I would walk to the intersection, then stop and wait for him.

"Jiang Nan" this sentence choked up a bit. I had always been prone to tears, my eyes would redden after saying just a few words.

I tried my best to raise my head, not letting tears fall. I didn't want to cry messily in front of him: "I really had thought about walking through life with you forever. But, we treat relationships with different attitudes."

Jiang Nan's mouth was slightly open, as if wanting to say something.

"Let's part ways here. Don't look back." I carefully folded that scarf and stuffed it into my bag in front of him, then solemnly spoke: "Jiang Nan, goodbye."

7

The first month after breaking up, my entire state was very poor. Neither my studies nor life were in good shape.

My roommate couldn't stand it and secretly called Xiao Xiao to tell her about my situation. When she found out, she specially flew from another city to see me.

On the day Xiao Xiao arrived, my roommates were taking me to Haidilao for my birthday. Before going out, the three of them had picked clothes for me for a long time and even helped me with beautiful makeup.

Sitting at Haidilao, my roommate taught me to hold up the cake for photos. After taking pictures, they handed me the phone, and I immediately saw Xiao Xiao hiding behind me holding gifts and making a peace sign.

"Isn't this super surprising!" She threw herself over and gave me a big hug. "Happy 20th birthday to our little Dai Dai! Be happy every day!" The three roommates opposite me were clapping and taking pictures like crazy.

I couldn't help but let tears flow. This was my first birthday without Jiang Nan's company. We grew up together and studied together, for 20 years it was always like this. I thought I wouldn't be able to adapt to days without him.

But I was wrong. I still had a very good best friend, very good classmates. I still had a mother and family who loved me very much. I was studying at one of the best universities in the country, my grades were good, and I was healthy. I was only 20 years old, my life still had infinite possibilities. I was one of the happiest girls in the world.

Through tears, I raised a big smile and everyone excitedly cut the cake together. I even specially gave a piece of cake to the waiter who sang me the birthday song.

On my birthday night, I rarely posted a Moments update "Starting my colorful and passionate 20s." Many people wished me happy birthday. I saw Jiang Nan also left me a comment: "Happy birthday, may all go well."

Of course, I would have everything go well. Late at night, I lay in bed, looking at this comment, couldn't help but click on his profile picture, then scrolled through our past chat history.

At that time, I was pathetically humble. Daily good mornings and good nights that never missed, daily food sharing, even the kittens and puppies I saw walking on the road, I would send back to him to share my life. But his replies to me were only a few sparse "ums" and "ohs." What he shared with me was also pitifully few.

Xiao Xiao was right, this relationship was unequal from the beginning. I loved too humbly, while he was never willing to bow his head for me.

But I thought about our past interactions, about him flying to take care of me when I was sick, about how he would subconsciously protect me behind him when walking on the road.

A Jiang Nan who loved me like this could actually change his heart too.

I always thought we were the most soul-compatible people in the world, we had the same educational background, consistent life goals. I thought our love was destined to last forever.

8

Nothing is more settling than studying. After breaking up, I told everyone I had let him go. But in every late night, thinking of the past, I couldn't help but secretly cry alone.

I began to put all my energy into myself. I worked hard to improve my GPA, took language tests, persisted in daily exercise, living an incredibly fulfilling life.

The romantic attention around me also began to flourish. Once in the library, I forgot my water card, and a boy next to me主动 offered to lend me his.

"Thank you, let me add you on WeChat to transfer the money to you." I politely asked him.

"Shen Dai, you don't remember me?" That boy looked at me amusingly.

Besides Jiang Nan, I didn't have much contact with other boys, I was so embarrassed by his gaze that my ears turned red, racking my brains trying to think who he was.

"Give you a hint? Oral class?" Maybe seeing I hadn't spoken for a long time and was embarrassed, he kindly gave a hint.

I remembered! His name was Gu Weiran, he was my partner in oral class! But I hadn't gone to the English corner for a while, so I had forgotten about him.

Later, we started chatting on WeChat. Gu Weiran was a very talkative person, he was polite, knew boundaries, made well-timed jokes, and would occasionally share delicious food from the school with me.

Our relationship grew closer, and we could even hang out together on weekends. He was a local, taking me to various food spots, visiting many interesting little shops.

I told him I hadn't relaxed like this in a long time. Gu Weiran deliberately frowned and said: "No wonder you look much older than when I first met you."

I angrily glared at him. He immediately humbled himself, buying me milk tea to apologize.

"To be honest, being with him is a very happy thing." I told this experience to Xiao Xiao.

"Get together with him quickly!" Xiao Xiao was more excited than me, "Out with the old, in with the new!"

I couldn't help but laugh: "He hasn't said anything yet! What if I'm just being delusional! Besides" I hesitated, because not long ago, I had received an offer from the University of Edinburgh, "I'm leaving soon, I don't have the time and energy to nurture a relationship that won't go anywhere."

Before going abroad, I went home for a while. A new family had moved in next door. After we broke up, Aunt Jiang learned the truth through my mother. She was embarrassed to face us, so she sold the house here and the whole family moved away.

"Although Jiang Nan is a good-for-nothing, his parents are still decent people." My mother said to me.

"Maybe not in terms of relationships, Jiang Nan is also quite a good person." I answered seriously. Seeing my mother's frustrated expression, I added with a smile: "But that has nothing to do with me."

Only then did my mother's expression relax. My mother is the person in this world most afraid of me getting hurt. Hearing me say that, she worried I still hadn't let go of Jiang Nan.

But the name Jiang Nan hadn't appeared in my life for a long time. I had truly let him go. To the current me, he was just an old person with whom I had had a not particularly beautiful story.

9

A high school class reunion invited me, I hesitated for a moment and went with Xiao Xiao.

Jiang Nan was indeed there. We sat far apart and didn't say a word.

In the evening when we were singing KTV, Xiao Xiao went to the restroom. I was looking at my phone when I felt the seat next to me sink down—someone sat down next to me—it was Jiang Nan.

"I heard you're going to study in England." His voice was heavy as he spoke.

"Yes." I answered him with a stranger's polite expression and a smile.

"That's great." He seemed to mutter to himself.

"You're doing well too. I heard from the class monitor that you've started your own company." I actually hadn't deliberately inquired about his news, but there were very few classmates who started companies before graduating from university. The class monitor had been flattering him all night at the dinner table.

"I, I transferred to finance in my sophomore year, didn't study medicine, I." Jiang Nan seemed to be explaining to me.

"That's great." I saw Xiao Xiao return "Then wish you great fortune." I ran toward her under Xiao Xiao's watchful gaze. She grabbed my arm, glared at Jiang Nan, and pulled me away.

I knew Jiang Nan wanted to tell me that he had violated our junior high promise to go to the best medical school together and become useful doctors. But this wasn't the first promise he had violated. I didn't care anymore. Maybe he would start a company in the future, would make a lot of money. But what did that have to do with me?

I had my new friends. New life, and a university I was about to attend. I was working hard to achieve every one of my dreams.

Back at school, I said goodbye to familiar teachers and friends one by one. Everyone gave me many blessings.

Xiao Xiao asked me: "Have you told Gu Weiran?"

"No, I don't know how to tell him." I hesitated, but in the end didn't contact him.

After saying goodbye to my parents at the airport, I alone boarded the plane heading to a foreign country.

Sitting on the plane, thinking that I wouldn't be able to see relatives and friends for a year, my tears couldn't help falling. I used a tissue to cover my mouth, afraid the sound of my sobbing would affect those around me.

"Well, little kid missing your mother?" A familiar, annoying voice sounded next to me. I looked up and exclaimed in surprise: "Gu Weiran!"

He plunked down in the seat next to me, staring at me: "Shen Dai, I won't forgive you for leaving without saying goodbye again."

Male Perspective

1

Before the high school final exams, our class had a basketball match with Shen Dai's class. I was a regular player. Shen Dai stood in their class's cheerleading squad and suddenly shouted loudly "Jiang Nan, add oil! Jiang Nan is the best!"

I saw classmates around her angrily pounce on her, but in my heart, I felt a little bit of secret joy.

During halftime break, I saw a sneaky figure in the rest room. Recognizing it was Shen Dai's figure, I rarely followed my curiosity and discovered she was carrying a large bag of bananas and secretly putting them in our class's rest room. While their own class only had a few lonely bottles of mineral water.

"Arms pointing outward."

Although I knew clearly in my heart that she did this for herself, years of habit made me unable to help but stand opposite her and tease her.

The result of the match was of course our class's victory. Our two classes usually had a good relationship, and everyone was noisily sitting at a barbecue stall ordering food, gathered together chatting.

At this time, Shen Dai's cheerleading squad pushed a face full of innocence her to face them.

"Traitor!" everyone scolded her "Buying so many bananas and not giving us even one to eat."

Shen Dai covered her head, her watery eyes looking at me "I, I'm used to giving them to him."

She was dressed very simply that day. White T-shirt, jeans, canvas shoes, hair tied in a high ponytail.

Nearly ten years have passed, and thinking back to Shen Dai's "I'm used to giving them to him." my heart still clenches in pain.

On the way home that day, Shen Dai's backpack strap broke, and books fell all over the ground. I teased her "So many books, and you insist on carrying a single-shoulder bag."

The girl showed an angry expression "This is a backpack I just bought!"

As the lights first came on, the two of us bent over picking up books from the ground. Suddenly, my and her fingers touched together.

"Jiang Nan" she suddenly paused and called me.

I turned to look at her. Shen Dai hugged the books picked up from the ground, not noticing that stains had rubbed onto her sleeve. She tried to appear calm and said "That... today your classmates all asked me if we were dating."

I thought for a moment and answered "If they ask you next time, just say yes."

At that time, I didn't understand what liking was at all. I just felt that having someone as compatible as Shen Dai by my side was very reassuring.

If there had to be a girl by my side, I felt she was the best choice.

2

On the day of the college entrance exam, I unexpectedly saved a girl and missed the final English exam.

Parents and teachers angrily accused me. When Shen Dai learned the news, she rushed into my room and asked what I treated the college entrance exam as.

I valued the college entrance exam, but someone collapsed in front of me, I couldn't possibly watch someone die without helping.

That girl was called Qian Qiao. After she woke up, she kept thanking me. Seeing her lying pale on the hospital bed, I suddenly thought, if it were Shen Dai, she would definitely be very afraid of pain.

Qian Qiao recovered quickly. The only aftereffect was that after that, every weekend she would run to our university's library to do homework.

I had told her I had a girlfriend, and we had a good relationship.

Qian Qiao solemnly answered me that she knew. She was in her third year of high school, her foundation was average. Occasionally asking me a few questions, all were very basic problems in my view. Unlike Shen Dai, when we were together, we mostly discussed various competitions.

Qian Qiao always said thank you and wanted to treat me to a meal. When it happened many times, I would also treat her to meals in the cafeteria, and the sweet and sour pork ribs from the second cafeteria was what I often ordered. The two of us would sit opposite each other and slowly eat.

Qian Qiao always said the dishes I ordered super suited her taste. Looking back now, that kind of sweet dish was Shen Dai's favorite. I always subconsciously ordered it.

"Senior, your school cafeteria's food is super delicious!" Qian Qiao always stared at me with a full face of smiles, "I want to get in here too, and be in the same major as you. Then you'll be my direct senior!"

"Don't joke." I frowned and subconsciously answered her. "My school isn't some particularly good school, you should work harder to get into a better university."

3

Later Qian Qiao如愿以偿 got into our major and became my junior sister. On Christmas Eve, it happened to be her birthday, I bought her a crystal ball with a moose pulling Santa Claus inside.

Qian Qiao received the gift, surprisedly covering her mouth.

After saying goodbye to her, I had just turned around when I stopped in my tracks.

Because Qian Qiao hugged me from behind. To celebrate Christmas, the campus was decorated with ribbons and pinecones everywhere. Some store was even playing "Jingle Bells."

It was a very brief few seconds, yet felt long enough to cause panic, she finally let go, then turned and ran away.

From beginning to end, neither of us spoke.

At this very moment, Shen Dai sent me a message saying her advisor wanted her to study abroad for exchange for two years, and she was hesitating whether to go.

My fingers paused on Shen Dai's page, asking myself, did he really love her?

At that time, I didn't understand what love was at all. Shen Dai being by my side seemed to have become a habit. I even had an impulse to remove this habit from my life.

4

My roommate and I decided to work on a competition project together.

Qian Qiao somehow learned the news from some roommate and insisted on joining.

I refused her. But my roommate couldn't withstand her repeated requests and agreed on my behalf. Although I was very angry, I still didn't say the words of refusal.

Qian Qiao was quite rigorous in experiments, at least stronger than my several roommates. For the project they all decided on, they often slacked off, to be honest I doubted how they even got into university. Sometimes I would think, if I hadn't given up one exam in the college entrance exam, would the roommates I met have been completely different?

That day, Qian Qiao and I were waiting for a set of data in the laboratory. She was uncomfortable, and I subconsciously gave her my own coat. Previously when Shen Dai had period cramps, she would act coquettishly toward me and want my coat.

I didn't expect Shen Dai to be outside. She stood at the door watching us. I began to feel flustered.

"Shen Dai, you're here." I didn't know how to greet her in this situation.

Qian Qiao behind me stood up and greeted her. Seeing Shen Dai's increasingly pale face, my heart became even more flustered. After sending Qian Qiao away, we still faced each other in silence. To cover the awkwardness, I used the excuse of needing to record data and hid in the laboratory.

The next morning, Jiang Nan and I went to eat. Getting in the car, I noticed the pendant inside—it should have been secretly hung when I lent the car to my roommate to take Qian Qiao home last time. I was sure Shen Dai had also seen it, but she didn't say anything.

I didn't know when the atmosphere between us had become this silent. I thought silently in my heart.

Walking on the familiar street, I tried to say something, or explain my relationship with Qian Qiao. But before I could speak, my phone rang—the exclusive ringtone Qian Qiao had set herself.

Hearing that ringtone, I subconsciously wanted to silence it. But seeing Shen Dai's clear gaze, I didn't know what to say.

The two of us just waited for the ringtone to end. I saw Shen Dai throw away the blanket and walk toward me. I subconsciously straightened up.

As a result, she only took the scarf from around my neck and then told me we were breaking up.

I should have refused her. For more than ten years, we had both become accustomed to having each other's company. But as if possessed by a ghost, I felt that breaking up was a kind of freedom for us. I didn't actually like her that much. To be honest, on that Christmas Eve night, when Qian Qiao hugged me, did my heart waver? Continuing to be together would be unfair to her.

I agreed. At the next traffic light intersection, I subconsciously protected Shen Dai on the inside.

But she gently pushed me away: "Jiang Nan, we agreed to break up. Don't look back."

5

After breaking up with Shen Dai, I kept hallucinating that people passing on the street were her.

"Jiang Nan!" Qian Qiao unhappily called me. "Are you even listening to me seriously~"

"Sorry." I came back to myself. The girl who just passed had almost fallen, her back was so much like Shen Dai's, I subconsciously wanted to rush over to help her, then remembered that Shen Dai and I had broken up, we had no contact anymore.

Qian Qiao and Shen Dai could be said to be two completely different styles. When I saw her before the college entrance exam, I felt like a white jasmine had swayed into my heart.

So one night after breaking up, I proactively confessed to Qian Qiao.

Specially arranged Western restaurant, music, lighting, flowers, everything was so logical. Before confessing, I had never thought she would refuse me.

Qian Qiao gently pushed away the red rose I handed her, her gaze apologetic as she looked at him, with her usual innocent expression: "I'm sorry, I've always treated you as a brother."

I couldn't believe "What did you say?" I suspected I had heard wrong?

Qian Qiao repeated: "Senior Jiang Nan, all along, I've only treated you as my brother. I thought you also treated me as a younger sister."

Brother, ha.

The two years we spent together. She deliberately dirtied her coat, then acted coquettishly to take my coat, wearing it back.

She couldn't get her experimental data right, hugged my arm begging me to help her.

In front of classmates. She stood on tiptoe in front of everyone and whispered in my ear.

And so on, and she told me this was how siblings interacted.

The rose in my hand was unconsciously crushed by me. What a senior and junior sister.

Thinking about it now, I was the idiot.

I was foolish enough to be played with in the palm of someone's hand.

6

After Qian Qiao rejected my confession, I didn't fall out with her.

After regaining my senses, I observed how she usually interacted with my roommates, even our teaching assistant—it was almost the same way as with me.

What a Qian Qiao.

Roommates who skipped class every few days, a teaching assistant full of big talk, and a useless Qian Qiao. Halfway through the experiment, I asked to withdraw. How much good intention did I have back then to be willing to lead them in the competition.

I didn't tell my roommates about Qian Qiao. On one hand, I felt it was too embarrassing, on the other hand, I wanted to see if without me, this team could still hold on. When would they discover Qian Qiao's true face. I thought maliciously.

I suddenly missed Shen Dai very much. Whether to classmates and friends, or to the me of back then, she was always faithful.

But I no longer had the face to contact her again.

After I withdrew from the team, their experiment indeed couldn't continue—even because no one was covering for Qian Qiao, they were discovered for data falsification.

I coldly watched the few of them shift responsibility to each other in front of the advisor, trying to find other people's reasons for Qian Qiao.

The good show wasn't over yet.

Another week later, that teaching assistant confessed to Qian Qiao. Under the dormitory building, band, candles, and getting down on one knee.

I leaned against the window on the upstairs balcony, watching the farce downstairs. Qian Qiao first pretended to be moved and covered her mouth, enjoying the attention of everyone at this moment.

I suddenly wanted to make things even bigger. Waking up a roommate who was catching up on sleep after an all-nighter, I told him "Quick, go downstairs and look. Someone is confessing to Qian Qiao."

He couldn't bear it, rolled over and ran downstairs.

At this point downstairs it was the clown's turn, Qian Qiao handed back the flowers, rejecting that teaching assistant.

I watched his incredulous expression and laughed out loud. So I looked like such a fool back then. Qian Qiao had such ability, creating the illusion for both of us that we couldn't live without her.

The teaching assistant tried to grab Qian Qiao to ask her reasons. At this moment the roommate rushed downstairs, the most exciting part came. They fought over her, Qian Qiao pretended to be scared hiding nearby, using words to stop them.

I decisively pulled the curtains closed. I didn't want to watch this clown performance anymore. The next day, I submitted a transfer application to the academic advisor. My temperament was no longer suitable for studying medicine. The last promise I made with Shen Dai, I also couldn't fulfill.

Later, I did quite well in the finance major, even used a sum of money my parents gave me to start a small company. Teachers praised me, and many relatives also said some envious words to my parents.

But I felt very ashamed. I was a deserter. I fled from Shen Dai's full love because of novel stimulation, and then fled from medical school because I couldn't face the embarrassing experience. My whole life had been branded with the label of coward.

Later I heard from my mother that Shen Dai was admitted to a foreign medical school.

Just hearing her name, my heart felt as if it were being gripped, fiercely squeezed with pain.

"She has always had good grades since childhood." I answered.

Elementary school, junior high to senior high, always at the top of her class.

She was the good girl that teachers liked, the kind and enthusiastic classmate in classmates' eyes.

It was I who was unworthy.

Later my company had operational problems, deeply in debt. I put all the money saved over the years into it to barely repay it.

My sleep developed problems, I began unable to sleep night after night.

Or rather I dared not sleep. Because every time I fell asleep, I would dream of past events.

I dreamed I returned to the day of the college entrance exam, I didn't save Qian Qiao, but went to take the English exam, and then went to university with Shen Dai.

In university we attended classes together, did research together.

Shen Dai's laughter fell in my ears, I couldn't even distinguish if this was virtual or real. I saw myself standing at the school gate waiting for her, she was running, face full of smiles as she flew toward me, arms open.

I reached out ready to embrace her. Resulting in grasping empty air.

I panicked and opened my mouth "Where are you?"

But no matter what I couldn't make a sound. No way to say even a single word to her. Even an apology.

Mother pushed me awake, she cautiously asked "Are you okay."

Since the business failure, I had sold the house and moved back to live with my parents. They had been worried I had psychological problems.

I wiped the sweat and said "Mom, let me see your phone for a moment."

Mother didn't understand why, but still took out her phone and handed it to me.

I took the phone, clicked on Shen Dai's Moments.—she had already blacklisted me, but still kept contact with my mother.

Shen Dai was living very well, she was already in graduate school, and her advisor also valued her. Her latest post was in London, wearing a wizard's robe checking in at Harry Potter filming locations.

Many years ago I had promised to accompany her there.

"Dai Dai is such a good girl, you still wronged her. Alas, our family has no such fortune." Mother saw me looking at Shen Dai's Moments and started chattering.

I returned the phone to her and fell onto the bed.

It was my fault. If I could do it over, I definitely, definitely wouldn't miss the college entrance exam again, wouldn't let her down again.

But there are no "what ifs" in life.

(End)