He Used Me to Practice Before Dating the School Beauty

That summer when I was eighteen, Shang Yan took my virginity.

I endured the pain but secretly felt happy all night, thinking my six-year-long crush had finally come to fruition.

Until the next day when I heard his friends tease:

"Not bad, scoring with the class beauty."

I felt somewhat embarrassed and was about to quietly leave.

When I heard Shang Yan's casual reply:

"I want to pursue the school beauty, but I'm afraid she'll think I'm too inexperienced."

"So I used Shi Wei to practice my technique first."

I didn't say anything. Before the deadline, I silently changed my college application from Beijing to Guangzhou.

Chapter 1

Shang Yan's words were like a sudden clap of thunder in a clear sky, striking me without warning.

My mind went completely blank.

On such a hot summer afternoon, I felt ice-cold all over.

The conversation in the classroom continued. The others seemed to pause for a moment before speaking again.

"Still our Young Master Shang, the class beauty is only good enough for practice."

"So does that make her equivalent to those concubines in ancient noble households?"

Shang Yan smiled dismissively:

"What nonsense are you talking about? She didn't lose out, okay."

Someone immediately chimed in:

"Yes, yes, yes. The class beauty is a bit too thin. Compared to the school beauty, her figure is..."

Shang Yan irritably threw a book at him, interrupting his words.

"It was just an impulsive moment. The atmosphere was right there. Besides, I saw she was having a hard time too..."

Everyone understood and started teasing him:

"I didn't expect the class beauty to be the secretly passionate type."

"Tsk tsk, our Young Master Shang is just too charming. When meat is right at your lips, it's a waste not to eat it."

"The class beauty has been pestering Ah Yan for so many years. I guess she finally got her wish and wanted to jump him long ago."

The laughter in the room grew louder.

I bit my lower lip hard, my hands clenched into fists.

I used all my strength to steady myself, not to collapse at the classroom door.

Footsteps approached from the end of the corridor.

I suddenly came to my senses and fled the scene in panic.

In my confusion, I hid in a bathroom stall.

Chapter 2

Tears of sadness and humiliation had long since broken through.

Shang Yan's words echoed repeatedly in my mind.

Almost completely destroying all my self-esteem.

If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I couldn't believe that the person who had been so intimately intertwined with me last night was the same person.

So it turned out that without love, one could still do such intimate things.

Even when most emotional and losing control, one could still lie and deceive.

The foolish happiness I thought I had achieved was nothing more than a joke in others' mouths.

The more I cried, the sadder I became.

But I didn't dare make a loud sound, my body trembling uncontrollably.

After a long time.

My phone buzzed with a message notification.

It was Shang Yan.

[You can take a taxi back by yourself. I have a class gathering tonight, it's not convenient to bring you.]

I didn't reply.

He added another line.

[Remember to buy the morning-after pill yourself. I'm busy today. You must remember to take it, okay.]

I stared at these two messages, not speaking for a long time.

Yesterday from dusk to dawn, Shang Yan had tormented me over and over.

When both of us were exhausted, he held me as he fell asleep, even murmuring twice.

"It was my first time and I wasn't prepared. Remember to buy the pills for you tomorrow during the day."

He had even reminded me that girls should protect themselves, that the morning-after pill must be taken, otherwise it would greatly harm the body.

At that time, I thought he was very responsible toward me, that I had finally found my happiness.

And now...

For a moment, I became much clearer.

I pinched my palm hard, forcing myself to stop the tears.

I wiped my eyes,整理好走出厕所。

I was too embarrassed to go to the pharmacy, so I bought the pills online.

When the delivery person left them at the door, I waited a long time before daring to secretly retrieve them.

After swallowing the pills with tears, I felt like I had lost all my strength and could only sit blankly on the carpet.

From the time Shang Yan's family moved in next door, I had been following him like a little tail, for ten whole years.

I had never thought about what a world without him would be like.

Nor did I dare to imagine.

But from now on, I would be alone.

Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, lights came on one by one, then gradually went out.

I don't know how much time passed when my best friend Mu Mu video-called me.

"Wei Wei, why didn't you come to our class party with Shang Yan tonight?"

"That girl Zhan Youqing from the liberal arts class came. While you weren't there, she was clinging to Shang Yan, making me sick."

As Mu Mu spoke, she turned the camera.

Chapter 3

In the dim corner of the private room, Shang Yan and the school beauty Zhan Youqing sat closely together.

Zhan Youqing was wearing a crop top and tight denim skirt tonight, making her waist look slim and legs long.

The two of them were somewhat separated from the people around them.

Even their conversation seemed intimate.

Through the screen, I could feel the thick atmosphere of ambiguity.

My chest tightened uncomfortably.

Shang Yan had said this afternoon that he wanted to pursue her. It seemed he had already succeeded by evening.

Zhan Youqing drew "man on top, woman on bottom" push-ups in truth or dare and needed to pick a male partner to assist.

As expected, Shang Yan immediately stood up.

Everyone started cheering.

Zhan Youqing blushed and obediently lay down on the sofa.

Shang Yan supported himself above her, doing dozens of push-ups in one go.

He remained controlled throughout, trying hard to avoid touching Zhan Youqing's body.

Until the last one, whether from exhaustion or Shang Yan's intention.

He couldn't hold on and pressed his entire body onto Zhan Youqing.

The surrounding screams grew even louder, nearly lifting the roof.

Shang Yan and Zhan Youqing's faces grew redder.

Amidst the wild cheers, Shang Yan simply lowered his head and kissed Zhan Youqing.

The two kissed passionately French-style, ignoring everyone else.

The kiss lasted a full three minutes before they reluctantly separated.

During those three long minutes, I stared at the screen without blinking, almost forgetting to breathe.

My heart felt as if it were being torn apart.

I wanted to cry, but I had cried too much in the afternoon without rehydrating, so there were no tears left.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Wei Wei, did you see clearly? They were kissing until their lips connected. He's so in love with her."

As Mu Mu sighed, she turned the camera and left the private room.

She found a quiet corner and seriously advised me:

"Wei Wei, don't blame me. If I didn't let you see it with your own eyes, you wouldn't give up."

My throat was dry, the syllables I produced were hoarse.

"Mmm, I don't blame you."

I only have myself to blame for being so foolish for so many years.

Thinking that just because I was allowed to follow Shang Yan, that position would always be mine.

"I just can't stand that Shang Yan of his. How could he know you've liked him for so many years yet pretend to be an innocent boy leading you on, watching you sink deeper and deeper."

"You saw clearly just now. I really hope you'll reconsider carefully, don't let him waste another four years of your life in college..."

"No, Mu Mu."

I interrupted her, stating calmly.

"I won't give myself another chance."

"Mu Mu, I've decided. I'll go to university in Guangzhou with you."

"But you have to promise to keep it secret for me."

Chapter 4

After speaking, to prevent myself from hesitating, I opened my computer in front of her.

Without the slightest hesitation, just before the deadline, I changed my first choice to the famous university in Guangzhou.

Mu Mu was naturally ecstatic.

She had long begged me to apply to the same university.

But back in high school, Shang Yan and I had agreed to work hard together and go to Beijing, his dream destination, after the college entrance exam.

That's where his beloved aviation major was.

So even though I didn't particularly like the cold north or have any feelings for that engineering college, for three years in high school, I had always regarded it as my goal.

After years of being neighbors, both sets of parents were happy to see us apply to the same university.

Including myself, everyone thought that Shang Yan and I would naturally become a couple after reaching adulthood.

And now, I couldn't find any reason to go to Beijing.

Or rather, after today, if I continued to cling to Shang Yan like before.

I would look down on myself.

I just wanted to stay far away, go anywhere, as long as it was without Shang Yan.

He was in the north, so I would go to the south.

Chapter 5

Before bed, I filled the bathtub with water, wanting to wash myself completely clean.

But when I took off my clothes, the purple and green marks on my skin were still very obvious.

Memories of last night uncontrollably flooded back.

The hot skin temperature of the teenager when we embraced tightly, the burning breath by my ear when he was emotional— the warmth seemed to still linger around me.

I shook my head violently, trying to shake off these absurd thoughts.

I found the coarsest bath towel and scrubbed my skin over and over until it was red all over.

Trying to clumsily erase this most humiliating memory of my life.

The result was that it hurt so much I couldn't sleep well all night.

Shang Yan indeed didn't send any more messages.

Breaking the six-year habit of uninterrupted goodnight messages since we had phones.

That was fine.

It would have happened sooner or later.

I might as well start quitting tonight.

I didn't fall asleep until almost dawn, in a daze.

The next morning, I was still sound asleep when I suddenly felt someone kiss my forehead in my dream.

Chapter 6

I woke up with a start.

But what I saw when I opened my eyes was a familiar chin and throat.

The aura above me was Shang Yan's favorite cedar scent, mixed with a faint unfamiliar lemon fragrance.

I almost forgot that Shang Yan always knew the password to my front door.

Seeing me awake, Shang Yan moved lower, laughing as he tried to kiss my lips.

I hurriedly turned my head to avoid it.

I pushed him away with my other hand and hid on the other side of the bed.

Shang Yan paused for a moment and laughed at me:

"Still shy? Huh?"

I didn't speak, just pulled the covers over my head.

Shang Yan lectured me while pulling back my covers.

"Shi Wei, you're getting bold, huh? You didn't even say good night to me last night, and you dared to turn off your phone to sleep."

"And now you're hiding from me?"

He nimbly slipped under my covers.

Before I could react, he had circled me completely in his arms.

"Good girl, how many times have I told you, you can't skip breakfast."

"I specifically went for a thirty-minute morning run to bring you your favorite crab ro buns. I waited in line for a long time."

"Do you want to get up and eat now, or... be eaten first..."

His breathing was very close to me, and his hands followed suit.

Coming to my senses, I struggled desperately.

But at 1.6 meters, I was no match for a 1.88-meter man.

I really couldn't understand what he was thinking. He already had Zhan Youqing, so why was he still bothering me?

After struggling for a long time, I was breathless and couldn't escape. Instead, he held me even tighter.

"What's the matter now?"

"Are you angry? Just because I didn't take you to the party last night?"

I didn't speak.

He buried his head in my neck and laughed.

"Let me guess, your good friend informed you?"

"It was just a game. Is it worth getting jealous over?"

"Why are you still like before? Whenever I get close to other girls, you get sullen."

I was furious to the extreme, with no way to explain.

Remembering what I learned in military training, I suddenly raised my knee and kicked toward his middle, taking advantage of his pain to quickly jump out of bed.

"Shi Wei!"

Shang Yan gritted his teeth, his face turning red.

I quickly put on a shirt over my pajamas and hurried to the living room.

I didn't want to stay in the same room with him, especially my bedroom.

Not long after, Shang Yan also came out, looking both angry and helpless.

After a while, he seemed to remember something and asked casually:

"By the way, you took the pill yesterday, right?"

"Don't let anything happen. I won't be able to explain it to Uncle and Auntie."

Shang Yan walked to the dining table and handed me soy milk.

"Behave, eat something first before getting angry. Your stomach isn't good to begin with."

I didn't speak or take it.

Shang Yan's hand holding the soy milk froze in the air for a long time before he finally lost patience.

"What is this about?"

"Shi Wei, even throwing a tantrum needs a reason and a limit, doesn't it?"

I replied coldly:

"I'm not worthy."

Shang Yan also got angry and slammed the soy milk on the coffee table.

He used too much force, and the plastic cup cracked, spilling all the soy milk onto the carpet.

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think you are, Shi Wei?"

"It was just a consensual one-night stand. Do you think you can control me? Do you know how suffocating this makes me?"

His tone was harsher than ever before.

Instantly, tears streamed down my face without any buildup.

The humiliation and grievances from yesterday surged back.

Shang Yan seemed not to expect that I would suddenly start crying so fiercely and was at a loss for what to do.

He apologized regretfully:

"I'm sorry, I drank too much last night. I spoke impulsively just now."

Shang Yan squatted down beside me, reaching out to wipe my tears, but I dodged again.

He froze, his hand stopping mid-air.

Just as he was about to continue comforting me, his phone suddenly buzzed.

He glanced at it and his face changed dramatically. He immediately stood up to leave.

"I have something urgent. You can calm down by yourself."

"We're in college now. Stop with the childish temper. Who will be able to stand it in the future?"

Chapter 7

Less than half an hour after he left, Mu Mu sent me a screenshot.

It was from Zhan Youqing's Moments.

[It's Another Sunny Day: Just one word about being hungry, and a loving breakfast magically appears. It's like a mutual love affair with my crush~]

The attached photo showed crab ro buns identical to the ones on our dining table.

I didn't reply.

I just quietly wiped my tears and squatted down to carefully clean up the soy milk Shang Yan had spilled.

After trying for a long time, I was saddened to find that the stain on the wool carpet had soaked deep into the base and couldn't be removed.

In a fit of anger, I simply threw away the entire carpet.

After all, this was the one Shang Yan and his parents had chosen during their trip to Nepal, spending an entire afternoon carrying it back for me.

While I was at it, I collected all of Shang Yan's things left at my house, as well as the various gifts he had given me over the years.

Even all our photos together—I sorted them out one by one.

It took me a whole day to pack everything up and throw it away.

I guessed he wouldn't want these broken things anymore.

After Shang Yan left that day, several days passed with no further news.

I guessed things were going smoothly with the school beauty.

Or perhaps he was waiting for me to back down first.

Usually, whenever we had a cold war, I would be the first to give in. Without exception.

But this time I didn't look for him.

And there was no need to anymore.

I blocked his WeChat and phone number, changed my front door password, and deleted all my social media accounts.

After doing all this, I called my parents, who were traveling on business, to discuss.

I told them I wanted to visit my aunt in America during summer break.

My plan was to go directly to Guangzhou with Mu Mu to start college after summer break ended.

Besides Mu Mu, no one else knew I had applied to a school in Guangzhou.

This plan should perfectly avoid any chance encounters with Shang Yan.

My mom teased me on the phone: "Oh ho, are you and Ah Yan going on vacation together?"

I made an excuse to deny it, not wanting to explain too much.

I just told her I wanted to accompany my aunt and grandmother.

I begged my dad to buy me the earliest flight, planning to leave overnight.

When I went out, I unfortunately ran into Shang Yan's mother at the villa entrance.

She warmly pulled me to chat:

"Wei Wei, why are you here alone? Isn't Ah Yan picking you up?"

"Didn't he say he was taking you skiing in New Zealand? Have fun there. Auntie fully supports you."

I was somewhat confused.

During the intense college entrance exam preparation period, I had indeed mentioned to Shang Yan that I wanted to go skiing in New Zealand to experience the southern hemisphere's winter.

But given our current situation, it didn't seem appropriate for us to travel together.

But I was running out of time, so I casually responded to her and left.

But I didn't expect to encounter Shang Yan at the airport.

Chapter 8

He was with a group of friends.

Zhan Youqing was there too.

Shang Yan was carrying a woman's bag in one hand and had his arm around Zhan Youqing with the other.

They were walking at the back of the group.

Occasionally, Zhan Youqing would turn her head to say something to him, and Shang Yan would cooperate, patiently leaning down to listen.

Unlike us.

Shang Yan had always been a head taller than me since we were young, and he kept getting taller.

When we were together, I always had to jump and look up to talk to him.

So it turned out that with someone he truly cared about, he would take the initiative to lean down.

I took a deep breath.

Told myself I needed to have some backbone.

How he was had nothing to do with me. If I kept thinking about it, I would slap myself.

But the path to the boarding gate seemed to be only one.

I could only follow far behind them.

Finally, we reached a fork in the road.

Shang Yan seemed to become somewhat distracted.

He made several phone calls, none of which seemed to go through, and he fiddled with his phone for a long time.

Finally, he borrowed a phone from a friend and walked grimly toward the restroom nearby.

Not long after, my phone suddenly rang. It was an unknown number.

"Shi Wei, you're really bold this time. If I don't look for you, you won't look for me, right?"

"You even blocked me?"

"If you have the guts, never look for me again. When you go to college in Beijing, all alone in an unfamiliar place, let's see who takes care of you."

Shang Yan's tone was harsh as he scolded me at length.

I didn't speak. There was really no way to respond to that.

But Shang Yan seemed even angrier.

"I won't say more. Add me back on WeChat right now."

"I'm going abroad with some friends for a few days. I might not be reachable by phone. Don't worry about crying."

I couldn't be bothered to send him a single word.

I hung up and turned off my phone.

I watched Shang Yan return to his original spot with a dark face.

He angrily pulled Zhan Youqing along and, without hesitation, walked toward the left boarding gate.

I sighed and turned to walk right.

Chapter 9

During my days traveling with relatives in America, I appeared very happy.

I deliberately kept myself busy, filling my days with various itineraries to avoid gaps for overthinking.

I certainly didn't add him back as Shang Yan had requested.

But Mu Mu and other friends would occasionally send me updates about Shang Yan.

Shang Yan and his friends seemed to have spent many days in New Zealand.

For some reason, every day he would post diligently on social media.

Completely different from the Shang Yan of the past, who would barely post once in several months.

Sometimes it was short videos of him skiing rapidly down snow slopes, sometimes abundant food and all-night parties, but mostly group photos of everyone having fun with various playful antics on the snow field.

Even though I didn't want to pay attention.

For some reason, many friends would actively share them with me.

Between the lines, they were all curious about why I hadn't gone to New Zealand with Shang Yan.

I didn't know how to explain, so I made excuses about matters with my relatives in America.

Besides Mu Mu, who always directly called Shang Yan a scumbag, everyone else seemed hesitant to speak in front of me.

I knew they probably saw the signs.

In every photo Shang Yan posted, he and Zhan Youqing were always close together, almost inseparable.

But that position beside him had been mine for many years.

Every time I saw these, I remained calm on the surface but my heart would ache.

After all, it was my first love, someone I had genuinely liked for a very, very long time.

When I woke from dreams at midnight, I would feel sad for a while, occasionally feeling unwilling.

But every time I remembered those hurtful words, I would mentally slap myself.

Over and over, I warned myself.

"Shi Wei, don't degrade yourself. It's even more contemptible."

Just hold on a little longer.

Once the withdrawal period is over, everything will definitely get better.

We lost contact for a full month.

This was the longest cold war since getting to know Shang Yan.

Distance and time are good medicine. I managed to get through the most difficult period.

When I was at the point of barely thinking about Shang Yan anymore, he changed his number and called me from overseas.

Chapter 10

"Shi Wei, quite capable, aren't you? Leaving me alone to run off to America, and staying for so long."

"If you don't come back soon, summer break will be over. Did you forget you promised to travel with me?"

Perhaps because we hadn't spoken for so long, even his complaining tone had a hint of caution.

I still didn't want to talk to him.

Just as I was about to hang up, the phone was snatched by Shang Yan's mother.

"Wei Wei, are you having fun over there?"

"This child Ah Yan didn't tell me anything. I only found out you two had argued."

"Don't mind him. When you come back, I'll make him apologize to you in person."

"By the way, Ah Yan received his acceptance letter today. Yours should arrive soon. When are you planning to come back for your acceptance celebration banquet? Auntie has prepared a surprise for you..."

Auntie had always been very good to me, like a real elder.

I couldn't bear to hang up on her, so I listened patiently as she spoke.

"Auntie, I don't plan to have a celebration banquet. My parents are very busy, flying all over the world. We can just have a cloud gathering online with relatives."

"I probably won't be returning to China for now. I think I'll go directly to school when the semester starts..."

Before I finished, the phone was handed back to Shang Yan.

His breathing was heavy, and I could feel his anger even across the Pacific Ocean.

"Shi Wei, I've already humbled myself and approached you. How much longer are you going to stay angry?"

"If you don't come back, don't blame me for going to Beijing first without waiting for you."

After delivering his cold threat, for a long time, without hearing a satisfactory response, he asked again:

"Think it through. Don't regret it."

I hung up directly.

And blocked this number too.

After staring blankly for a while, I planned to go out for a walk, but my mom actually video-called me.

It turned out my acceptance letter had also arrived.

Seeing the university name on the letter, my parents only then learned that I had changed my application.

They were very surprised.

"Wei Wei, why didn't you discuss it with us before changing your application?"

"Does Shang Yan know about this? His mother was asking this morning if you had received your letter."

My dad also leaned toward the camera with concern.

"Sweetheart, how can we feel at ease with you going to Guangzhou alone?"

"Are you most afraid of heat and cockroaches? You dare to go to Guangzhou? Don't call me later to catch cockroaches for you, hahaha."

"..."

I was somewhat speechless.

I could only casually tell them many good things about this university, and mentioned that I would go with Mu Mu, so I would have someone to look after me.

They still couldn't rest easy.

"Did you and Ah Yan argue? That's no reason to impulsively change to such a distant place."

"What if you regret it in a few days and want to find Ah Yan, there will be nowhere to cry."

"Yes, once you separate, that's four years of long distance. You used to miss him after half a month at your grandmother's house..."

The more I listened, the worse I felt, so I simply explained everything clearly at once.

"Shang Yan has a girlfriend now. It's not appropriate for me to maintain such a close relationship with him."

"Dad, Mom, I have my own life to live. I don't want to live only in his world."

"So please support my decision and keep it secret for me."

My parents looked at each other, silent for a long time, but finally agreed.

They only asked me to return to China as soon as possible.

With not much time left before school started, they wanted to spend more time with me.

Chapter 11

According to my mom, after Shang Yan received his acceptance letter, he went traveling with friends again the next day.

He didn't come home for many days.

Auntie, however, would occasionally ask my mom about the date I would return to China.

On the day I returned, my parents came to pick me up from the airport wearing formal attire.

When I woke up and got out of the car, I found we were at a five-star hotel.

I was still groggy when my mom pulled me into the lobby.

As soon as we entered, I immediately saw Shang Yan, whom I hadn't seen in a long time.

My steps suddenly halted.

Shang Yan was wearing a well-fitted suit, casually standing by the fountain. His tall figure formed a landscape of its own.

In just one vacation, his boyishness had faded considerably, much like I had once imagined he would look as an adult.

My heart felt complicated. The encounter I had been avoiding suddenly appeared before me.

Seeing me dazed, my mom explained quietly.

"Wei Wei, today is Shang Yan's acceptance celebration. We happened to pick you up and come directly for dinner."

My dad added:

"Wei Wei, didn't you say you didn't want to have a celebration banquet?"

"This child Ah Yan is quite thoughtful. He specifically had his parents set today's date as your return day, so we could celebrate for both of you together."

Shang Yan seemed to sense something and casually turned his head, his eyes meeting mine.

My heart suddenly skipped a beat.

Although I had mentally prepared myself to face him when I returned to China, I still felt somewhat timid when the moment arrived.

But Shang Yan reacted first.

Just as he was about to walk toward us, Zhan Youqing suddenly appeared and linked her arm through his.

Zhan Youqing pulled him along, smiling as she came to greet us.

"Sister Shi Wei, you're back? That's great. Today I can finally formally meet you."

"I always saw you with Ah Yan before. Although I'm in the neighboring class, I never had the chance to get to know you, which I regretted."

Since she was being so polite, I couldn't ignore her.

I could only force a smile and nod "Mmm."

Shang Yan's expression looked somewhat unnatural.

He spoke stiffly, "What's there to get to know? Just a petty little girl who loves to throw tantrums. I thought she had run off to America and wasn't coming back."

I didn't know how to respond.

Zhan Youqing's silver evening gown was adorned with sparkling sequins, making her shine as if glowing, perfectly complementing today's Shang Yan.

I glanced down at myself: white T-shirt, jeans, canvas shoes, and hair still messy from just waking up, looking as casual as if I had just returned from a courier station.

My mom suddenly remembered and leaned close to my ear, whispering:

"Mom prepared an evening dress for you. You can change in the dressing room later."

I nodded, then shook my head.

No need. I wasn't the main character anyway.

Shang Yan kept staring at me with an unreadable expression.

Zhan Youqing's eyes also darted back and forth between us.

The atmosphere suddenly became eerily quiet.

Fortunately, more friends arrived, and Zhan Youqing immediately pulled Shang Yan away to greet them.

Acting quite like the hostess.

I quickly took the opportunity to pull my mom toward the banquet hall.

Chapter 12

Shang Yan's acceptance celebration only invited close relatives and friends, so there weren't too many people.

When the friends I knew saw me appear, everyone looked surprised.

I just smiled and greeted them, pretending I didn't understand anything.

But their gossipy eyes were impossible to hide.

Even when I went to the terrace to get some air, I could hear friends in the corridor cornering Shang Yan to get the scoop.

"I heard that because of the school beauty, Shi Wei has already stopped talking to you. Did she come back because she couldn't let go?"

Shang Yan snorted softly.

"She's just being childish. She'll be fine after a couple of days. We've known each other for so many years. How could she really bear to break up with me?"

That person sighed, "Actually, Shi Wei is quite nice too. After all these years together, she's so obedient to you that we're all envious."

"On one hand, your childhood friend, on the other, your goddess. It's a shame to give up either... So what are you planning to do?"

Shang Yan was silent for a moment before speaking.

"Honestly, I think Shi Wei is great too."

"But I feel it's a bit of a loss. I'm still so young. How can a man have only one woman his whole life? That's too boring, seeing the end from the beginning."

"I want to go out and see the world... But it doesn't matter. As long as I turn back, someone will keep the light on for me at home."

That person fell silent.

After a while, he laughed and punched Shang Yan.

"Scumbag."

I couldn't listen anymore and quietly walked further away.

The evening breeze blew, and I couldn't help but sniffle as my eyes grew warm again.

I hated myself for being blind and misjudging him all those years.

Chapter 13

Today's celebration banquet was terrible for my mood.

Auntie was particularly happy to see me and kept asking about my well-being at the dinner table.

"Wei Wei, when you get to Beijing, the weather is very dry. Tomorrow let Ah Yan take you to the International Finance Center to stock up on moisturizing skincare products."

"No need, Auntie. There are many malls in Beijing, and online shopping is very convenient."

She smiled in agreement and said to my mom:

"For the dormitory bedding, when I prepared Ah Yan's, I also prepared yours. All four seasons."

"Especially since winters in the north are very cold. I chose very thick ones. I also bought several down jackets. Since you're busy with work, you don't need to bother preparing things for Wei Wei."

My mom felt somewhat awkward, as these wouldn't be much use in Guangzhou.

But not wanting to offend her, my mom could only politely express her thanks.

Zhan Youqing's expression beside her was very unpleasant.

But Auntie didn't seem to notice. She continued speaking to both of us:

"When you get to Beijing, you two will be each other's closest family. Ah Yan must take good care of Wei Wei. Don't make her angry again, understand?"

Shang Yan glanced at me dismissively:

"Hmph, she's quite capable now. Does she need me to take care of her? She knows how to fly on her own."

The atmosphere grew tense, but Zhan Youqing suddenly interjected.

"Auntie, my university is also in Beijing. Don't worry, I'll take good care of Ah Yan in the future."

"Besides, Wei Wei will be in Guangzhou, which isn't convenient, is it?"

Before she finished, Shang Yan and his parents' expressions changed.

"Guangzhou?"

They asked in unison, staring at me.

Zhan Youqing was surprised, "Ah Yan, you didn't know? The acceptance list is posted at school. Oh right, you haven't been back to school."

Everyone stared at me.

Under the pressure, I silently nodded.

My mom helped explain.

"Wei Wei suddenly changed her application at the last minute. She wants to study in Guangzhou. That university is also very good, and it's a major she likes."

Shang Yan didn't believe it. He grabbed my hand to confirm again.

"Shi Wei, aren't we going to the same university? I watched you fill out your application myself."

My hand hurt from his grip, and I couldn't help but get angry.

"Yes, I'm going to Guangzhou. What business is it of yours?"

Shang Yan was in disbelief, then suddenly laughed.

"Are you kidding with me? You're someone who would jump onto me at the sight of a cockroach. You dare to go to Guangzhou?"

I pulled out my phone, found the high-definition acceptance letter photo, and displayed it before his eyes.

Shang Yan took the phone, enlarged it and examined it several times. Finally, he actually laughed in anger.

Amidst everyone's shocked cries, he dragged me out of the banquet hall.

Chapter 14

He pulled me into a lounge room and closed the door behind him.

Shang Yan leaned against the door, forcing me to face him.

"Shi Wei, you've got some nerve!"

"To spite me, you actually forgot our agreement and ran off to Guangzhou for university?"

I looked up.

Trying to gather my courage, I confronted him.

"I have my own ideas. Why must I arrange my life according to your preferences?"

"Shang Yan, ask yourself honestly. Are you angry about breaking our agreement, or because I can no longer be your warm bed?"

Shang Yan's face turned pale:

"What do you mean?"

"Don't say it so harshly, okay?"

"We're adults now. That day... that day was consensual, wasn't it? Are you still upset about that night?"

I felt somewhat embarrassed, but I stubbornly met his gaze:

"Shang Yan, if you like someone else, you can say so clearly. I wouldn't shamelessly cling to you."

"But you clearly don't like me, yet you watch me throw myself at you like a moth to a flame. Does that feel good?"

He still didn't understand.

People don't say goodbye until all their expectations are exhausted.

Having his thoughts exposed, Shang Yan's face turned from pale to red, nearly losing his balance.

"What are you saying? Listen to yourself... You..."

He stammered, unable to continue.

"Shi Wei, we've known each other since we were 8. Now we're 18."

"Since you chose to betray this relationship, let's not even be friends in the future."

He left only this sentence before fleeing from the hotel.

Chapter 15

From that day until we left for college, I never saw Shang Yan again.

Mu Mu sent me his official relationship announcement on Moments, but I didn't even open it before deleting it.

I also blocked all his friends.

There was really no need to pay attention anymore.

Except on the day I went to Guangzhou, I unfortunately ran into Shang Yan at the airport again. Zhan Youqing was still standing beside him.

As we passed, he only greeted my parents and left angrily.

He didn't look at me at all.

We quickly separated, neither looking back.

Before boarding, I happened to turn my head and saw Shang Yan also boarding.

He only glanced at me coldly before disappearing at the entrance.

The person who had accompanied me from childhood to now was finally completely bid farewell.

We were no longer on the same path.

From now on, I wished him well too.

I silently thought in my heart.

Chapter 16

Afterward, for a very long time, we heard nothing about each other.

I specifically instructed my parents not to mention anything about the Shang family in front of me.

In my new environment, I made many new friends and joined several clubs, keeping myself busy every day.

The previous unhappiness had long faded.

I realized that my previous life, revolving around one person, had been very dull.

Thinking about this, I actually began to agree with Shang Yan's viewpoint from back then.

The world outside was so vast, life was so long. Why bind myself to one person so early?

I was glad I had chosen a school without harsh winters.

Although the humid weather and typhoons were also frustrating, and the cockroaches were indeed numerous.

But I could see beautiful flowers all year round and quickly forgot what winter looked like.

During New Year's, high school classmates came to Guangzhou to travel, and Mu Mu and I took them for dim sum.

One of them mentioned Shang Yan.

She said he had broken up with Zhan Youqing long ago and was dating at different universities around College Road, having had several relationships.

He had a carefree, playboy attitude all day.

"Shang Yan is completely different from the cold, academic genius he was in high school. He's like a completely different person."

"You probably wouldn't recognize him if you saw him again."

I didn't speak.

Mu Mu kept giving the classmate meaningful looks to change the topic, so she didn't mention it further.

We counted down the New Year by the Pearl River. When it was time to make wishes, Mu Mu asked me to make one.

After making my wish, I realized this was the first wish I had made that had nothing to do with him.

In my brief life so far, for six whole years, all my wishes had been related to Shang Yan.

I was happy that I had truly let go.

During the first winter break of college, I missed my parents terribly.

I rushed home as soon as exams ended.

But I didn't expect that Shang Yan had come with my parents to pick me up at the airport.

Chapter 17

After half a year apart, seeing Shang Yan again, we had both changed significantly.

He was thinner, had dyed his hair, but still looked as handsome as before.

My judgment of people had never been good, but my aesthetic was decent.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have foolishly followed him around since childhood.

After hesitating only for a moment, I smiled and walked over, greeting him casually.

"Brother Shang Yan, you're here too."

Shang Yan's hand reaching for my luggage froze mid-air as he stared at me in disbelief.

Since childhood, both sets of parents had asked me many times to call him brother.

I had stubbornly refused.

Now, with a different mindset, it came naturally.

But Shang Yan seemed to have trouble accepting it.

After a long time, he tremblingly took my luggage.

My mom explained quietly in my ear.

"We ran into Ah Yan at the entrance when we came to pick you up. He insisted on coming to help."

I smiled to show it was fine.

In the car, I eagerly shared recent school stories with my parents, making them laugh.

No one paid attention to Shang Yan, but I noticed from the corner of my eye that he had been smiling secretly the whole way.

That day, he seemed to want to visit our home, but the three of us politely declined.

Throughout the winter break, I practiced driving, going out early and coming back late, and often went out with several high school friends at night.

I heard Shang Yan had looked for me several times, always missing me.

I was somewhat surprised. I didn't think there was anything we needed to talk about.

This year, both my grandmother and aunt had come back for Chinese New Year.

On New Year's Eve, the house was particularly lively.

After the New Year's Eve dinner, the elders watched the Spring Festival Gala on the sofa while the younger generation learned to play mahjong.

The Shang family of three suddenly arrived at our home with many gifts.

Chapter 18

"Our home is too quiet. Do you mind if we join as card partners?" Auntie Shang teased jokingly.

In previous years, our two families had always celebrated together.

This year, because of my relationship with Shang Yan, my mom had declined Auntie Shang's invitation for the New Year's Eve dinner.

But with guests at the door, we couldn't turn them away.

Shang Yan naturally sat beside me, watching me play mahjong.

My cousins didn't know about our relationship and kept teasing us.

I smiled and clarified each time.

Shang Yan's expression grew increasingly unpleasant.

At midnight, when we went out to set off fireworks, he pulled me aside, as if wanting to say something.

But my phone suddenly rang.

My face flushed. I pulled away from Shang Yan and hid to the side to answer the call.

It was Xu Zhiyan, a local Guangzhou classmate I had met through a club.

He was also very handsome.

Not the cold type, but a very funny, joking boy.

He talked a lot and was very witty. I often couldn't stop laughing at his jokes.

He said he was calling because he was bored alone and wanted to count down to the New Year with us.

I didn't think much of it and, since it was Chinese New Year, I didn't hang up, letting him participate in our countdown.

Just before hanging up, he chuckled.

"Actually, I just wanted to be the first person to wish you Happy New Year after midnight."

"Happy New Year, classmate Shi Wei."

I smiled happily and wished him back.

After chatting a bit more, when he finally agreed to hang up, I turned around to see Shang Yan standing behind me with an icy expression.

I didn't know how long he had been listening.

"Boyfriend?"

He asked hoarsely.

"Not yet."

I thought for a moment and answered honestly.

"..."

Shang Yan was silent for a long time.

I thought he had nothing more to say and was about to return to the living room to continue playing mahjong.

But he suddenly spoke again, "A guy from out of town isn't necessarily reliable. You should find someone local, someone you know well."

I nodded.

"You're right. You can't know a person's heart just by looking at their face. I'll observe a bit more."

"Thanks for the reminder, Brother Shang Yan. You should settle down soon too."

Shang Yan seemed to be stung by something and didn't speak again, leaving directly from the courtyard.

I didn't think much of it. He had been acting weird for years, not just one or two.

Before, with lover's goggles, I thought he was perfect in every way. But now...

Afterward, I accompanied my grandmother and parents to visit relatives, then went on road trips, basically never staying at home.

I didn't encounter Shang Yan again.

The winter break was short, and soon I returned to school.

But the next day, I actually saw Shang Yan at the university entrance.

Chapter 19

He looked haggard, as if something serious had happened.

"Brother Shang Yan, why are you here?"

"I wanted to see what your university is like, and also, to see how you're doing in Guangzhou."

I smiled and replied, "It's great here. The food is delicious. If you have time, you should look up a guide and try some."

He seemed somewhat awkward and didn't answer me, "Wei Wei, can't you accompany me? Just once would be fine."

Before I could respond, a male voice interrupted.

"Sorry, handsome. I've already made plans with classmate Shi Wei. You'll have to take a number and get in line."

Xu Zhiyan walked over from the side, nervously positioning himself between me and Shang Yan.

Their eyes met, and sparks flew.

"Shi Wei, you came back to school so early just for him?" Shang Yan's tone held an indescribable emotion.

I didn't know what he was thinking, but there was no need to explain anything to him.

"I'm sorry, Brother Shang Yan. We're going to eat. We're leaving now."

I poked Xu Zhiyan, who was frozen in place.

"Let's go. You said you wanted to eat farm-to-table chicken. The journey is long. Let's go quickly."

As I pulled Xu Zhiyan away, he glared at Shang Yan one last time.

At the traffic light, I looked back.

Shang Yan stood at the school entrance, watching us, looking particularly lonely under the shade of the trees.

Chapter 20

I don't remember where I heard this, but after a breakup, a woman takes about a month to move on.

A man might take much longer to realize what he has lost and then begin to emotionally rebound.

Shang Yan's emotional rebound seemed to come too late.

After spending half a year playing around and another winter break of silence, he suddenly started appearing around me frequently.

I don't know what excuse he used with the school to take leave, but he would show up in Guangzhou from time to time.

He started sending me various gifts—flowers, bags, jewelry—all of which I refused.

When he had nothing else to do, he would squat outside my dormitory, refusing to leave no matter how we tried to persuade him.

Whenever he managed to catch me, he would accompany me to class and to the cafeteria.

Xu Zhiyan was provoked by him and would sigh dramatically in front of me all day.

Occasionally, he would make jealous remarks that made me not know whether to laugh or cry.

Auntie Shang Yan also called and sent many messages, saying the school had started contacting parents.

Shang Yan was skipping too many classes. If this continued, he might be held back or expelled.

She earnestly begged me to persuade Shang Yan properly.

I was extremely annoyed and couldn't understand what Shang Yan was thinking.

Back then, he was determined to see the world. Now he was coming back to act devoted.

I decided to confront him directly.

Knowing my intention, Shang Yan's emotions suddenly spiraled out of control.

"Wei Wei, why can Xu pursue you but I can't?"

"How long has he known you? How many years have we known each other?"

"In this world, besides your parents, no one knows you better than I do, and no one is more suitable for you than I am."

I was angered to the point of laughing and retorted:

"Shang Yan, do you really not remember what you did back then?"

"Ask yourself honestly, have you ever treated my sincere feelings with respect?"

"You just enjoyed the superiority of me chasing you, thinking that no matter how you treated me, I wouldn't leave you, and you could manipulate my feelings at will."

Having his thoughts exposed, Shang Yan became even more defensive:

"Yes, I made some mistakes back then."

"I was too young then. I thought the whole world was temptation. I didn't want to be tied down by just one person."

"I owe you a formal apology. Shi Wei, I'm sorry."

Shang Yan looked sincere as he suddenly softened his tone and pleaded with me:

"But even if I were a stranger, I have the right to pursue you again, don't I?"

"After leaving, I realized I'm not used to life without you. I can't imagine my future without you, with whom I can share everything."

The evening breeze by the river was strong. I was getting a headache from the wind. After thinking for a long time, I answered him.

"To be honest, since leaving you, I've learned that mutual love doesn't require careful accommodation."

"I can be myself. My emotions don't have to shift with someone else's will. So I suddenly realized—"

"Perhaps those foolish young feelings were just my immaturity back then."

Shang Yan stood frozen as if struck by lightning.

After a long time, he spoke softly, his voice filled with extreme委屈.

"But we promised, didn't we? To go to university together, study abroad together, then travel the world together. Are you going to break all those promises too?"

I was momentarily dazed, nodding, then shaking my head.

"You were the one who broke the promise first. And I've already found someone I want to do these things with."

Shang Yan seemed to break down, the corners of his eyes turning red.

"Don't say any more, Wei Wei, please, don't say any more."

Seeing his defeated and hurt expression, I couldn't help but advise him one last time.

"Perhaps you don't really love me. You just can't accept it."

"Shang Yan, you should move on too."

I didn't wait for him.

Xu Zhiyan had been waiting for me across the road for a long time.

I ran over, and he immediately took my hand.

"Ex-husband finally dumped? Did you tell him that from now on, all your cockroaches are my responsibility? He doesn't get a single one."

I was laughing as I spoke, almost crying.

I glanced back at Shang Yan, still frozen by the river.

People came and went on the street. Some met again, some said goodbye forever.

And we finally drifted apart, never to meet again.

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