Trapped As His Second Wife For Twenty Years
A woman spends twenty years as her sister's replacement wife, trapped between duty and desire in ancient China's royal court.
Trapped As His Second Wife For Twenty Years
I had been Shen Yu's second wife for twenty years.
Back then, when my eldest sister died, he welcomed me into his residence. Everyone said I was fortunate—husband's doting affection, stepson's filial piety. No one knew the pain in my heart.
My daughter asked me: "Mother, does Father treat you poorly?"
Well enough.
But that wasn't what I sought.
When I married Shen Yu, the child my eldest sister left behind had just turned one month old. From that day forward, my life was destined to be incomplete.
Chapter 1
"Mother, what kind of man do you think my future husband will be?"
I smiled and stroked my daughter's head. She had grown from a tiny bundle into a graceful young lady, now beginning to experience the longings of maidenhood.
"He must treat you exceptionally well, but don't find someone like your father."
My daughter asked me: "Mother, does Father treat you poorly?"
I looked toward the soaring birds outside the window.
Well enough.
But that wasn't what I sought.
"From the day I married your father, I was destined to be incomplete."
My daughter stared at me blankly.
"Mother..."
She didn't understand. Why would her mother, who had always seemed so loving with Father, say such things?
I only said: "The completeness I couldn't attain, you will definitely achieve."
She was the daughter I had risked my life to bear. I would give her the best of everything, including a husband whose heart belonged only to her.
Chapter 2
"I never knew, A-Mi, that you've always held this resentment in your heart."
I don't know when Shen Yu had entered the room.
Seeing Father's unhappy expression, my daughter hastily took her leave and departed.
I lifted my gaze to look at Shen Yu. Though now past forty, he remained handsome—time had only added more composure to his bearing. But that composure had now vanished.
"You just said that marrying me made you incomplete."
Shen Yu's brow furrowed tightly. He stepped closer, his eyes fixed on me: "Is this because of Yuanlu?"
Yuanlu was the name of my deceased eldest sister.
At the same time, she was also Shen Yu's first wife.
I smiled and shook my head: "Just something said casually. Your Highness need not take it seriously."
But on this matter, Shen Yu showed unexpected persistence.
He pressed: "A-Mi, why are you incomplete?"
My smile faltered.
Everyone thought I was fortunate.
A daughter from a secondary wife of the Minister's household becoming Shen Yu's princess. Even as a second wife, it was a social climb. Why incomplete?
Because of my eldest sister's dying words, sixteen-year-old me had worn wedding garments and entered the Prince Rui's residence.
Shen Yu was four years older than me, already married once, had a legitimate son, and in the rear courtyard were several concubines and their children.
How could this let me be complete?
Chapter 3
A car accident made me an unfavored daughter from a secondary wife in the Minister's household. My aunt died in childbirth, and I was fostered under the main wife's name. Though the main wife liked to use my dullness to highlight my eldest sister's brilliance, she wasn't harsh with my food, clothing, and necessities.
I lived cautiously, never harboring great ambitions to change this feudal society that devoured people without blinking. But having been exposed to modern thinking was like someone who had lived in darkness seeing light.
I knew it was impossible for me not to marry. Rather than be traded like a bargaining chip, it was better to choose one I could accept myself.
I was unwilling to share a husband with others.
My husband didn't need to be exceptionally talented or powerful. As long as he could love only me, treasure me like a precious jewel, and accompany me through this life, that would be enough.
But Shen Yu was never within my range of choices.
My eldest sister and he could be considered childhood sweethearts, but even before she married, there were already two personal maids in his rear courtyard.
Perhaps this wasn't considered many among children of powerful families.
I had asked my eldest sister, wouldn't she be sad? Before even entering the household, her beloved already had intimate relations with other women.
My eldest sister was silent for a long time, then said: "A-Mi, men are all like this. If I say I mind, it would be considered jealousy."
At that time, I still had a trace of girlish naivety: "I don't care! My husband can only have me by his side!"
She gently stroked my head: "Good, then I wish our A-Mi gets her heart's desire."
Chapter 4
But later, my eldest sister married into the prince's residence and for three years had no children.
Under pressure from the Empress Dowager, Shen Yu took a secondary consort and accepted concubines. Illegitimate sons and daughters emerged one after another.
I had accompanied my mother to visit my eldest sister. Originally gentle and lovely, her face now carried an indelible sorrow.
Watching helplessly as the beloved husband had children with other women—how could she not be sad?
I didn't know how to comfort her.
But my mother held my eldest sister's hand: "Yuanlu, Mother has found a prescription for you. Drinking it will surely ensure you bear a son."
I wanted to stop her.
The imperial physician had said that my eldest sister's difficulty conceiving was due to her naturally weak constitution—she should first nurse her body back to health properly. But seeing her eyes suddenly light up, I couldn't bring myself to say those words.
Because I knew clearly that being childless had already become my eldest sister's obsession.
Even if I said it, she would still drink it.
Perhaps that prescription was truly effective.
Not long after, I heard joyous news from the prince's residence.
My eldest sister was pregnant.
Overjoyed, my mother actually fainted. I was also happy for my eldest sister.
After the pregnancy was stable, my eldest sister returned home with Shen Yu. She had filled out somewhat, with a smile on her face. Shen Yu stood beside her, supporting her carefully.
The two of them somewhat resembled the flustered new parents I had seen in my previous life.
But I also felt sad.
My eldest sister was becoming a mother for the first time, but Shen Yu was not becoming a father for the first time. The oldest child in his rear courtyard could already call him father.
My eldest sister seemed not to mind, gently stroking her still-flat belly: "I am already complete. Now I only hope my child can grow up healthy."
"As for other things, I long ago stopped hoping for them."
Chapter 5
But heaven does not fulfill human wishes.
When my eldest sister was seven months pregnant, Shen Yu's secondary consort actually dared to drug her.
When my mother and I hurriedly arrived, my eldest sister was already on the verge of death.
In her arms was the child she had given birth to at the cost of her life.
My mother threw herself by the bed, wailing and crying to heaven.
But my eldest sister, unusually calm, comforted her with a few words, then turned to look at me.
"A-Mi, are you willing to marry into the prince's residence?"
All the blood in my body froze. The words stuck in my throat wouldn't come out.
My eldest sister's eyes told me she wouldn't live much longer.
"What I worry most about is Xi'er. Besides you, I dare not trust anyone else."
She clung to my hand as if grasping at the last straw.
After a long silence, I heard myself say:
"Good."
My eldest sister personally placed her son Shen Xi in my arms, gazing at him with lingering attachment for a few final moments.
Before she died, her mouth murmured: "Husband... Shen Yu, you're good..."
But until she closed her eyes, she never saw the person she longed for.
It wasn't until the next day that Shen Yu, who had been sent to suppress bandits, returned to the residence.
As soon as he returned, he dealt with the secondary consort who had administered the drugs, ruthlessly.
Not even the Empress Dowager could protect her.
That secondary consort was a distant niece of the Empress Dowager. After entering the residence, she had given birth to the eldest son and was much loved by Shen Yu.
Gradually, her heart grew wild.
She didn't want my eldest sister's child to be born, so she bribed servants and put abortifacient drugs in the three meals.
But unexpectedly, my eldest sister was weak and died directly from difficult childbirth.
After the incident, she panicked and urgently tried to silence witnesses, which led to her capture.
My mother and I watched the secondary consort kneeling on the ground, begging for mercy and crying bitterly, feeling quite satisfied in our hearts.
But no matter how satisfying this was, my eldest sister couldn't come back.
She was only nineteen years old.
In modern times, that would be the age of just entering university.
Chapter 6
After my eldest sister's funeral, Shen Yu finally looked at me properly:
"You are Zhao Mi?"
I bowed my head in salute: "Yes, Your Highness."
He didn't speak, his exploring gaze sweeping over me. It lingered for a moment on my face, which resembled my eldest sister's by thirty percent, before he finally said: "Since it was Yuanlu's dying wish, then you should prepare and enter the residence."
"...Yes."
After returning to the residence, I was registered under the main wife's name, changing from a daughter of a secondary wife to a legitimate daughter.
She held my hand just as she had held my eldest sister's many years before:
"A-Mi, from now on you are the Princess of Rui. Whatever your eldest sister did, you must do the same."
Her sharp nails dug into my flesh.
I knew that from this day forward, I was no longer A-Mi, but the legitimate daughter of the Minister's household, the Princess of Rui, Zhao Mi.
"...Yes, Mother."
After returning to my empty boudoir, I took out a letter written to me a few days earlier by a poor scholar.
He was the husband I had chosen.
Clean family background, orphaned, handsome and kind. A good match.
Unfortunately, between us, there was ultimately fate but no destiny.
The candlelight engulfed those feelings that had not yet been conveyed, turning them to ashes.
A month later, I entered the prince's residence in a small sedan chair.
From that day forward, my life was destined to be incomplete.
My eldest sister, knowing she had wronged me, left all her dowry to me.
Her son initially resisted me.
Later, under my careful care, he also became close to me. He would giggle uncontrollably whenever he saw me.
Shen Yu once suspected I had ulterior motives, deliberately enticing Shen Xi to forget his birth mother.
I didn't mind, only explaining that Shen Xi didn't understand worldly affairs and didn't know the pain of losing his mother, instinctively becoming close to me, his aunt.
I wanted Shen Xi to live a smooth and peaceful life in the future, just as his mother had hoped.
Knowing too much would only add unnecessary troubles.
Chapter 7
Hearing my eldest sister's name, I felt dazed.
Twenty years had already passed.
My mother had passed away several years ago. After her only daughter left, her health had not been good.
Before she died, she held my hand, tears streaming down her face: "A-Mi, thank you..."
She also knew that marrying Shen Yu was not what I sought.
I held no resentment toward her.
She had raised me, and she treated Shen Xi and my daughter Shen Yuan equally.
I pressed my cheek to her palm: "Rest in peace, Mother. Tell my sister that Xi'er is doing well now, tell her not to worry."
She trembled as she nodded, then smiled and closed her eyes.
Another person who remembered my eldest sister was gone from the world.
I came back to myself and lowered my eyelids: "I thought you had already forgotten her."
Shen Yu seemed to have misunderstood something, explaining somewhat hastily: "It's not what you think. My wife now is you..."
I raised my hand to stop his words: "Enough! Don't say any more. I didn't mean that. My eldest sister is Your Highness's first wife, of course you must remember her."
Remember that foolish girl whose heart you broke to pieces.
At these words, Shen Yu indeed pursued the matter of completeness no further.
I thought this matter had passed.
But after going to bed that night, Shen Yu suddenly pulled me into his embrace.
I thought he wanted me and asked with some annoyance: "I'm rather tired today. Would Your Highness prefer to go to a concubine's place?"
Shen Yu didn't respond.
In the darkness, I couldn't see his face clearly, I could only hear his heavy breathing.
"A-Mi, why have you always called me 'Your Highness'?"
I didn't know what madness had seized him, and said patiently: "Because Your Highness is Your Highness."
I don't know if it was my imagination, but Shen Yu's hand seemed to be trembling.
"We've been husband and wife for twenty years, and you've never called me 'husband' either."
I froze.
That's right, because I couldn't bring myself to say it.
He had been my brother-in-law for three years.
I had once seen with my own eyes my eldest sister call Shen Yu "husband" full of joy and love. I had also seen her unwillingness and resentment before she died.
Before she died, she left me with one sentence:
"A-Mi, absolutely do not fall in love. The imperial family is the most heartless..."
As long as I couldn't forget my eldest sister, I couldn't call her husband "husband" without any reservation.
"..."
The room was silent.
Shen Yu seemed to think I was asleep and pulled me closer, murmuring softly:
"No matter what, you are my wife. We will share the same bedding in life and the same tomb in death."
"In this life, in the next life, you are mine."
After a long time, I slowly opened my eyes and said silently:
"But Shen Yu, I'm not willing."
Chapter 8
Shen Yu had more than a dozen concubines in his rear courtyard. He held a high position, so naturally there were people rushing to curry favor.
I remember several years ago, there was a concubine in the residence named Lian Yin. When she entered the residence, she was only three years older than Yuan'er, at a tender, flower-like age.
I heard she was originally from an official's family but was implicated and became a servant due to her father's crimes. Shen Yu took pity on her and for a time went to her place every day.
Little girls have unstable temperaments, and when doted upon, they become somewhat arrogant. She had once pretended to be scared in the middle of the night and had a maid call Shen Yu away from my place.
After Shen Yu got my permission, he hurriedly put on his clothes and left.
I wasn't angry.
To be honest, I was old enough to be her mother. There was no need to argue with a child.
If I was going to be angry, it should be at Shen Yu for accepting people into the residence—it was he himself who wanted to sleep with them.
But some people I didn't take to heart, yet she insisted on provoking me.
Because she was doted upon, Lian Yin soon became pregnant. She became even more arrogant due to the favoritism.
I didn't like Shen Yu's various romantic interests, so I only let them come to pay respects once every half month. She always made excuses about physical discomfort and arrived half an hour late.
She said her skin was delicate and needed the best silk. The tonics and fabrics flowed like water into her courtyard.
Shen Yu allowed it all.
This made her even more arrogant. Relying on her pregnancy, she provoked me several times.
After all, at that time everyone thought I was just a substitute for the first princess.
As expected, Shen Yu didn't punish her for this, only gave her a verbal lecture.
For a time, Lian Yin was unmatched in her prominence in the residence.
Everyone said Shen Yu loved her.
This illusory praise made the sixteen-year-old girl lose her head, and she actually dared to wear my eldest sister's clothes.
She stood before Shen Yu and said: "Husband, am I more beautiful now?"
The expression on Shen Yu's face at that time even startled me.
With a wave of his hand, Lian Yin was stripped of her clothes while crying and screaming, and was forced to drink an abortifacient.
In the end, it was only because I pleaded for her that she wasn't thrown into a brothel to become a prostitute touched by countless lips.
But falling from the clouds in one day was too great a shock.
Lian Yin went mad.
Every day she walked barefoot with disheveled hair, holding a pillow and telling everyone this was her child.
Not long after, she fell into a lake while running around crazily in the middle of the night. She was only discovered in the morning, but had long since stopped breathing.
When Shen Yu found out, he only said faintly:
"Bad luck."
At that time, I knew that my eldest sister's position in Shen Yu's heart could not be replaced by anyone.
Chapter 9
So how could I dare believe his promises.
Especially since my mother's family had little influence, and I had to rely on Shen Yu for everything.
If one day he tired of me, what would I do?
But luckily, my daughter was a royal princess, and even after marriage, no one would dare to bully her.
Therefore, I never hindered Shen Yu from getting close to our daughter.
I only hoped that his paternal affection for our daughter would be as deep as possible.
In ancient times, patriarchy was supreme.
There were some things that ultimately I could not give my daughter.
If this were modern times, I could do much more.
But I almost never taught my daughter modern thinking.
Because I didn't want her to be like me, becoming a lonely misfit in this era.
As a royal princess, she had her own way of surviving.
And I would find her a husband who was clean and willing to dote on and love her.
She might not be able to soar like an eagle, but at least she could live a carefree, happy, and healthy life.
Chapter 10
The one who expressed his intentions to my daughter was a classmate of Shen Xi's.
His father was an old friend of Shen Yu's.
A young master from a prominent family, as refined as jade, with a long-standing good reputation.
He was a sought-after bachelor in the capital.
Even Shen Yu was very satisfied with this person.
He had Shen Xi persuade me: "Mother Consort, I know Zichen's background thoroughly. He truly cherishes my younger sister and is willing to wait until she turns eighteen."
I had already spread the word.
When Princess Mingzhu was born, a master predicted her fate, saying she could only marry at eighteen.
Parents who love their children plan far for them.
I sent Shen Xi away and looked at my daughter's obviously love-stricken expression, sighing:
"Yuan'er, listen to Mother. Reject him."
My daughter's face turned pale. "Mother, why?"
I asked: "Do you know that Xu Zichen is the only son in his family?"
My daughter nodded.
I asked again: "Do you know how many sisters he has?"
My daughter was bewildered.
I said calmly: "Sixteen."
"Five legitimate older sisters, and the rest are illegitimate half-sisters."
My daughter seemed to realize something, her face growing paler and paler.
I continued: "Yuan'er, if you marry into their family, you must bear a legitimate son."
"Or." I paused, "you must be willing to accept him taking concubines."
According to our dynasty's law, Yuan'er, as a princess, her prince consort cannot take concubines without permission.
But the Xu family was a century-old prominent family, and Xu Zichen was the only scion of the main family.
If he used the excuse that Yuan'er was childless to take concubines, even Shen Yu couldn't criticize him.
Because that's how this era was.
Between men and women, there was inherent inequality.
But compared to other women, Yuan'er was fortunate.
Chapter 11
I said gently: "Yuan'er, you're not yet married, so you don't understand this kind of suffering."
"The person who is intimate and loving with you might have been embracing another woman the night before."
"Their children will still call you mother..."
Tears were already welling up in my daughter's eyes as she shook her head: "I don't... I don't want to!"
She cried and said: "Mother, I don't want to marry him!"
I gently wiped the tears from my daughter's face.
She was only fifteen years old. I didn't want her to have children early at an age when she should be growing up freely.
My eldest sister was the pain in my heart.
I had also been trapped in the inner quarters for many years, my heart never satisfied.
But my daughter didn't have to repeat my mistakes.
Although Shen Yu was satisfied with this marriage, it ultimately fell through.
The Xu family soon had Xu Zichen engaged to another noble lady.
After being depressed for some time, my daughter gradually returned to her former liveliness, threw herself into my arms, and whispered: "You used to say you were incomplete. I didn't understand then, but now I do."
My daughter looked up, her eyes sparkling: "Since you're not willing to live with Father, when I get married, I'll take you with me to my fief."
My daughter's fief was in the south, a wealthy and peaceful water town.
I was tempted for a moment, but quickly calmed down.
It couldn't be that simple.
Shen Yu was the current emperor's maternal brother, holding great power.
If he wanted to do something to me, I would have no power to resist.
Fortunately, after all these years, he still had some affection for me.
I tapped my daughter's forehead: "Don't say such things in front of your father."
My daughter affectionately nuzzled against me: "I know, Mother. I'm not stupid."
I smiled and didn't speak.
The room was harmonious, and I didn't notice.
A figure stood outside the window for a long time before leaving.
Chapter 12
After having dinner with my daughter, I thought Shen Yu had gone to a concubine's place today, so I went to bed early after washing up.
The candles in the room gradually burned out.
Just as I was feeling sleepy, I sensed someone enter.
"Who?"
I smelled a strong scent of alcohol and was about to get up, but my hands were grabbed and I was pressed onto the bed.
"Your Highness?"
I looked at Shen Yu in astonishment.
He seemed drunk, no longer composed and dignified as usual. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair crown was disheveled.
His ink-black hair, carrying sandalwood fragrance, fell on my face, somewhat ticklish.
"Isn't Your Highness staying at a concubine's place today? Why come over in the middle of the night?"
At these words, Shen Yu laughed self-mockingly: "I heard you don't like concubines, so I came specially to see how you were sleeping."
"But you're sleeping very well."
He looked at me as if lost and confused: "A-Mi, why aren't you sad?"
Without expectations, where could sadness come from?
I avoided his gaze: "Your Highness, you're drunk. I'll go call someone to bring sobering soup."
Shen Yu stopped me, insistently wanting an answer: "A-Mi, after all these years, haven't I treated you well?"
Besides anger, his tone also held grievance.
"I gave you the honor of being the main consort. None of the concubines in the rear courtyard can overstep you."
"Those illegitimate children have never bothered you either."
"Yes, perhaps our beginning wasn't beautiful, but I ask my conscience—have I ever wronged you?!"
He gripped my arms tightly, hurting me: "Why do you want to leave me?!"
I realized: "You heard what Yuan'er and I said this afternoon?"
Shen Yu acquiesced.
My feelings were complicated. I didn't expect Shen Yu to have such a big reaction.
I said softly: "Shen Yu, you're not wrong, so what have I done wrong?"
Because of my eldest sister's dying wish, I had given up the person I had chosen back then and entered the prince's residence.
On one hand, I had to take care of my eldest sister's son, on the other hand, I had to learn to manage the prince's residence and deal with those noble ladies.
During that time, I was mentally and physically exhausted, and I had once had expectations for Shen Yu.
But once, when I went to deliver soup, outside the study, I personally heard him say to his advisors:
"The second princess consort is ultimately from a secondary wife's background, she can't compare to Yuanlu, she's not presentable."
From that moment on, I no longer had any expectations for Shen Yu.
Chapter 13
Shen Yu's face turned deathly pale as he explained: "I once had misunderstandings about you, thinking you were one of those women who climbed the social ladder..."
So that's how it was.
Shen Yu thought I had taken advantage of my eldest sister's death to marry him through careful scheming.
"But later, I was unconsciously attracted to you. My gaze would linger on your face, and I liked being with you."
Shen Yu embraced me, revealing his love: "Every time we were intimate, I felt immense joy."
"A-Mi, I loved Yuanlu, but the person I love now is you."
But if I weren't Zhao Yuanlu's sister, would Shen Yu have treated me specially back then?
"You say you love me, yet you can have children with other women."
I pushed him away and said to him through tears: "Shen Yu, this isn't the kind of love I want."
Didn't Shen Yu love my eldest sister back then?
I believe he must have said such sweet words to my eldest sister on their wedding night too.
"Imagine this—I was once someone else's wife, bearing children for another man..."
"Shut up!" Shen Yu roared furiously, gripping my shoulders tightly, "Who do you want to marry?"
"That poor scholar you corresponded with back then?!"
My tears still fell: "Shen Yu, look, I only said one sentence, and you can't take it."
"But I've lived like this for so many years."
Every time I was intimate with Shen Yu, I couldn't help but think.
Was he this gentle with others in bed too?
Even though I had lived in ancient times longer than in my previous life, my soul still yearned for equality and freedom.
This was also the source of my pain.
I looked at Shen Yu's hands: "Just thinking that these hands might have been caressing someone else the day before makes me want to vomit."
Shen Yu pursed his lips: "Then I'll dismiss them all, would that be good?"
"A-Mi, don't cry."
He raised his hand to wipe my tears but, remembering my words, didn't dare to move.
He actually looked somewhat at a loss.
I laughed painfully: "But what wrong have those concubines done?"
This feudal society devours people.
Especially women.
Even if they didn't want to, they had no right to refuse.
They were dutiful and self-disciplined, yet could barely protect themselves.
Why should I make things difficult for them?
Chapter 14
"Shen Yu, let me go."
I spent a full eighteen years fulfilling my eldest sister's dying wish.
Eighteen years of sharing a bed but having different dreams, of appearing harmonious while being emotionally distant.
Who knew of my suffering?
Now I was thirty-six, with fine lines at the corners of my eyes, no longer the naive young girl.
But my heart had always yearned for freedom.
My daughter's words had rekindled my hope.
I took out a letter of divorce and looked sincerely at Shen Yu: "I know the royal family doesn't have the concept of mutual divorce, so I am willing to request to leave."
This position of Princess of Rui had trapped me for too long.
Shen Yu's eyes were red as he said viciously: "In your dreams!"
He snatched the letter of divorce and tore it to pieces.
"Let you leave so you can find that old lover Xu Zhu?"
Shen Yu curled his lip in a sneer: "He's now the magistrate of Jiangning, but still unmarried. I'm afraid he's still thinking of you."
When I heard this, my feelings were complicated.
The image of the young man who always smiled shyly at me appeared in my mind.
I had wronged him back then.
How could he be like this?
I didn't want to involve innocent people: "You can investigate. After entering the prince's residence, I had no further contact with him."
Shen Yu snorted coldly: "I know, otherwise I would have long ago imprisoned him on charges of coveting the princess consort."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
The next moment, my heart tightened again because Shen Yu said:
"But I'm not that generous either. I won't let you two renew your past relationship."
He suddenly raised his hand and sealed my acupoints.
I felt my body go limp and subconsciously fell forward.
Shen Yu caught me and pulled me into his embrace: "A-Mi, you are my wife. I won't let you leave me."
I closed my eyes in despair.
Shen Yu's bones ultimately carried royal blood.
He said he loved me.
But he didn't listen to my words, didn't care about my requests, didn't care about the cries of my soul.
This kind of love without dignity, I couldn't afford it.
And I couldn't escape.
Chapter 15
I was placed under house arrest by Shen Yu.
I was well-fed and cared for, with rare treasures flowing in like water.
He even disregarded the gossip in the capital and dismissed all his concubines.
Those without children were given gold and silver and sent to estates; those with children were sent to residences in other places.
Now the masters of the prince's residence, besides Shen Yu, were only Shen Xi and Shen Yuan.
A family of four, as if we were an ordinary couple.
But I couldn't get past the hurdle in my heart, remaining unhappy.
My body also grew weaker day by day.
In the end, it became difficult even to get out of bed.
When the imperial physician was summoned, he felt my pulse but didn't prescribe medicine.
Instead, stroking his white beard, he said: "Your Highness, Her Ladyship is suffering from excessive worry—it's a sickness of the heart."
A sickness of the heart requires medicine for the heart.
In the end, Shen Yu compromised.
He withdrew the maids and guards watching me and allowed my daughter to visit me.
My daughter held me, tearfully calling Father a bastard. She and Shen Yu had a deep relationship, which was why she could speak so recklessly.
Shen Xi also came to visit me daily with his wife. He had recently married, and his wife was his childhood friend, deeply attached to each other.
I had forbidden Shen Xi from taking personal maids before marriage.
But after marriage, their life was their own to live—I wouldn't interfere too much.
Therefore, my daughter-in-law respected me greatly as her mother-in-law. She could somewhat understand my feelings but still comforted me: "Mother, don't trap yourself in a dead end. In life, how can everything go as one wishes?"
Indeed.
Sometimes I wished I had been born and raised in ancient times.
Better than being in this dilemma now.
When my body improved somewhat, Shen Yu carried me to the largest peach tree in the prince's residence.
It was spring, and the peach blossoms were blooming brilliantly.
Shen Yu looked at it with an emotion I couldn't quite identify.
This peach tree was the one he had personally planted the year my eldest sister married into the residence.
For so many years, he had always had it carefully tended.
At this moment, however, he said to me: "A-Mi, if you mind, I'll cut down this peach tree."
"Will this make you love me a little more?"
Chapter 16
"Why bother?"
I refused: "You yourself know clearly that we've reached this point not just because of this."
Shen Yu was silent for a long time, then rested his head on the crook of my neck.
"But A-Mi, even if I'm a prince, I can't change what happened in the past."
When Shen Yu married, I was only twelve years old.
Neither status nor age would have made him notice me back then.
"But you're not even willing to give me a chance to make things right."
He raised his head, his red eyes fixed on me, his tone revealing grievance: "This isn't fair, A-Mi."
I looked at the sky full of peach blossoms and sighed softly.
"But when I married you, was there ever any fairness?"
"Shen Yu, have you forgotten the palace banquet twelve years ago?"
Hearing me mention old events, Shen Yu fell silent.
I knew that the only remaining connections I had in this era were in this Prince Rui's residence.
If I ruthlessly severed them, the world would be vast, and I would be like floating duckweed, without support or dependence.
There would inevitably be some fear and reluctance.
But fate is unpredictable, giving me no time to struggle.
A letter came from the frontier—northern barbarians were causing trouble.
The court split into two factions: the war party and the peace party.
The peace party, led by the Empress Dowager's family and Prime Minister Dou, proposed sending a marriage princess to the Northern Rong to establish friendly relations between the two countries.
When I first heard this news, my eyes went dark.
The current emperor had no daughters.
And among the imperial clan, both noble status and appropriate age were required.
Only my Yuan'er met the criteria.
Chapter 17
The Empress Dowager already disliked me because of that secondary consort incident.
The next day, she summoned me to the palace.
Years of pampered living made her look only in her forties. She stood up and slowly walked to my side:
"Now the border wars are frequent, the people are suffering. Only a marriage alliance can bring peace between the two countries."
"In my view, Mingzhu is gentle and quiet, well-read and reasonable—she is the perfect choice."
"For the sake of the nation, for the sake of the common people, as members of the imperial clan, we should share the country's worries..."
Every word was a mix of threats and inducements.
I knelt in the hall, saying nothing.
My knees ached from kneeling, but my heart sank further.
But I didn't beg.
She would absolutely not change her mind because of this.
Finally, the Empress Dowager finished her warnings and took a sip of tea:
"Go back and think it over carefully. My edict will arrive at the Prince Rui's residence tomorrow."
"If you're sensible, I naturally won't treat you poorly."
"But if you don't know what's good for you and defy the edict, don't blame me for disregarding our relationship. By then, it will be too late to regret!"
After leaving the palace, I sat in the carriage with trembling legs, my palms already broken from clenching them.
This feeling of being a fish on a chopping block was truly terrible.
But there was no time to think about this now.
As soon as I returned to the residence, I went to the study to find Shen Yu, looking directly at him:
"Shen Yu, in all these years I've never asked you for anything, just this one thing."
My voice choked with emotion. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself:
"Court disputes, but letting Yuan'er bear the consequences is truly unfair."
Faced with my expectant gaze, Shen Yu looked away: "A-Mi, I don't want this either."
"Yuan'er is my daughter. How could I not feel heartache?"
"But the Empress Dowager is also my mother. I have already defied her once for Yuanlu. This time, I'm truly powerless."
"Yuan'er has enjoyed the royal family's favor for many years. It's time for her to give back..."
I simply couldn't believe it.
The person who had been begging for my love just days ago became so indifferent when his actual interests were touched.
I was too foolish to still harbor some fantasies after softening.
Suddenly, I became completely calm.
"Yuan'er is my only daughter. Even if I sacrifice my life, I won't let her marry into the Northern Rong!"
The barbarians were uncivilized. Not to mention their lifestyle, but looking at their system of a son inheriting his father's wives and a younger brother inheriting his elder brother's wives, I couldn't accept it.
Since men couldn't be relied upon, I would rely on myself!
Ignoring Shen Yu's shouts from behind, I rushed straight out the door.
But after only a few steps, I ran into my daughter.
"I already know everything."
Her eyes filled with tears, her face completely bloodless, she trembled: "I... I'm willing to enter the marriage alliance!"
"Mother, don't cause trouble for yourself because of me..."
Looking at my daughter's panicked appearance, my heart ached unbearably.
"Yuan'er, don't worry. Mother won't let you enter the marriage alliance."
I had a maid take my daughter back first. I needed to enter the palace to see the emperor.
Chapter 18
At that moment, Shen Yu chased after me.
"Nonsense! What does a mere woman like you know?! You want to disturb His Majesty?!"
He grabbed my hand, softening his tone:
"Listen to me, A-Mi. Don't destroy the homes of countless people for your own selfish desires."
Nice words.
But it was just a fig leaf for Prime Minister Dou's power struggle.
After all, if war broke out, military generals would inevitably be heavily favored.
This was unacceptable to the Dou family, which now dominated the court through the Empress Dowager's influence.
"Are you people only capable of sucking the lifeblood of women? The Empress Dowager isn't enough for you, now you want to sacrifice my Yuan'er to pave your way!"
I laughed coldly, "Shen Yu, do you know why our second child wasn't born?"
Shen Yu trembled, pain flashing across his face.
Twelve years ago, the late emperor was gravely ill, and the crown prince struggle had reached its climax.
At a palace banquet, I had just taken a sip of tea when suddenly my abdomen hurt, and blood flowed from my lower body.
I barely survived but lost the child in my womb, and from then on could no longer conceive.
Later I learned that the Empress Dowager had drugged that cup of tea.
But she deliberately had it delivered to my table, and after the incident, used it to attack other opponents.
What chilled my heart most was that Shen Yu had also acquiesced to this matter.
Instead, it was the late emperor, to comfort me, who granted me a special favor.
Shen Yu's eyes reddened as he realized something, gradually loosening his grip.
He revealed a smile uglier than crying: "Is there really no room for maneuver?"
I turned and left: "Shen Yu, you have never truly stood on my side."
Chapter 19
With the late emperor's special favor, the Empress Dowager couldn't say anything.
The war party pressed their advantage, persuading the emperor to send troops.
After all, the late emperor was a horseback emperor who had personally accompanied his ancestors in conquering the realm.
For his descendants to seek peace by sending a marriage princess was too weak and incompetent.
Since there was no need for a marriage alliance, I used the special favor to request a divorce from Shen Yu.
At that time, Shen Yu's face was pale as he stared at me intensely: "This subject is unwilling!"
The emperor was also somewhat troubled.
The royal family had no precedent for divorce.
But the Empress Dowager supported our divorce.
She already detested me for repeatedly defying her.
She couldn't wait for me to go far away.
So in the end, Shen Yu and I became the first couple in the royal family to divorce.
On the day I took my daughter to her fief.
Shen Yu rode his horse and charged through the city gates.
"A-Mi, don't go!"
"You are clearly my Princess of Rui. How can you leave me?!"
He shouted behind me, but was quickly restrained by the pursuing guards.
The emperor had promised me that Shen Yu wouldn't disturb me again.
And I had nothing more to say to Shen Yu.
"Give me another chance. I've already volunteered to go to the battlefield! Please don't leave me..."
The distance was too far, and his voice scattered with the wind.
I lowered the curtain and didn't look back.
In this world, there was only the Lady of Fengping, no longer the Princess of Rui.
Much later, Shen Xi sent me a letter.
First telling me of the great victory in the war, that the Northern Rong had been driven back in disgrace.
Then saying that on the battlefield, swords and arrows are blind, Shen Yu had lame legs and couldn't come chase me, so he went to the palace every day.
The emperor was annoyed to death and asked if I wanted to go back and see Shen Yu.
He said Shen Yu was now like a stone statue waiting for his wife, going to the palace to cry or standing at the city gates waiting for me.
I simply replied: "No."
Epilogue
I never expected to meet Xu Zhu again.
My daughter and I were traveling everywhere when we were recognized.
Xu Zhu suppressed his excitement and respectfully performed a salute.
I examined him carefully.
After twenty years apart, that handsome young man had become a beautiful middle-aged man with a goat's beard.
"Long time no see."
I smiled slightly: "Magistrate Xu, you've governed Jiangning very well."
The people lived and worked in peace, the marketplace was prosperous and bustling.
Hearing my address, Xu Zhu's eyes dimmed slightly but quickly cleared as he smiled: "You flatter me. This is my duty."
"When I passed the imperial examinations back then, it was so I could repay the people of my hometown."
I saw the shadow of the young man I once knew in him.
How wonderful, he hadn't changed at all.
A breeze stirred the silk I wore.
But I was no longer the young girl of those days.
We looked at each other in silence for a long moment.
We both understood that fate plays tricks on people. Once missed, it's missed forever—there's no going back.
In front of others, Xu Zhu and I were just chance encounters who exchanged a few pleasantries.
Before leaving, I asked him a question: "Magistrate Xu, why have you never married all these years?"
Xu Zhu stroked his beard: "When I was young, I also had someone in my heart, but she had to marry someone else."
My eyelashes trembled slightly.
But he smiled at me again: "However, that young lady's mother also gave me compensation, helping me return to my hometown to serve as an official."
"A great man should take the world as his responsibility. In my heart, the common people are more important than personal feelings."
"So, I never resented that young lady."
It was just that regrets were inevitable.
Finally, Xu Zhu saw me to my carriage and bowed his head:
"May all that the Lady of Fengping seeks be granted as she wishes."
I put down a heavy stone in my heart and nodded with a smile: "I'll take your good wishes."
"And may your virtuous governance shine brightly, and may you rise rapidly in your career."